I hate this world, it’s so evil
Full of pain, and full of needles
Filled with a substance oh so lethal
Pushed through our skin by these deceitful
People that lie to us
Every day they break our trust
Saying that we are okay
And that there is no way
For us to alter this condition
That we live in, lacking nutrition
And ambition it is their mission
To beat us down into submission
Be their slaves until we die
Thinking it’s fine to just get by
Without smiling, without laughter
This existence is a disaster
**end**
I want opinions on this. How does it feel? What could I do better with it? I tend to write poems every night, and this one I got a rough outline done in about 2 minutes and spent maybe 30 or so minutes refining it…. I feel like it flows in a decent manner, but it still sort of feels like a child wrote it. Also apparently I’m a little bit angsty today, most of the time my poems focus on nicer themes like tearing living things apart ^_^ This is just like a bit of a poem, I could possibly add to it, it feels kind of incomplete, but I am unable to produce complete thoughts in anything so that probably won’t be solved…. -_- I’m actually really nervous I have never showed any of my stabs at poetry to anybody else before, this is one of the hobbies that my friend made fun of when I mentioned it to him…. I want to show people though as I will never improve if I don’t, as I am sort of at that point where I’m starting to stagnant with it alone.
4 comments
I like it, it has rhythm that you could turn into a song, my only criticism is that you create a title for each poem (unless “A shitty poem” is its title which is fine too) it just kinda grounds it all together
I never title my poems :/ I feel no need to do so.
Fair enough, but maybe you should collect them up and try publishing them, you never know
I read that as a rap delivered by Mike Shinoda.