You know. Right now my life is actually going pretty well. But even though its going well. I still kind of hope for death to come find me. But I wonder how long do I have to wait. I went out to a meeting last night and there happened to be a lot of really old people there and I just go to figuring that I really don’t want to ever really get that old. I wish I could make an appointment with death. I really do. I wish we could just go to a doctor and say you know I want to die on this or that day and then they just help you do it. I wish things were that easy. I wish I could find the dam grim reaper and make an appointment to end my life at a certain age at a certain time. And here is why.
- I don’t want to live a really really long life and get to old for me to take care of myself or for me to get so Old I lose my mind
- I dont want another failed suicide attempt.
- I dont want to overstay my existence on earth. Once my Bucket list items are ALL finished my existence would be useless
- I want to end my life on my terms when I decide I’ve had enough > not linger just waiting for the day to eventually come
- I want to KNOW when my time is going to come so I can plan accordingly (financially, socially, spiritually and otherwise)
- I want to be able to CHOOSE my death time so I can make sure it ends on a GOOD Note
If I could do this I think I would schedule my death on my 46th B-day.
that would give me 2 more solid years to live life to its fullest and then die someday in my 46th year
I think life would be much better if we could actually schedule a death time and have it done properly and a painlessly as possible.
What do you think??
15 comments
Really I’ve studied all your post through them in the computer for analyses according to the how long will i live program your externally lucky not a full 115 years!!!!! but 114 and seven months!!! 🙂
OH boy. 114 – 44 = 70. You mean i have to battle through another 70 years of this!
Dam, Im going to need a drink thinking about this!! LOL
Irs funny u ask this question today. I been thinking alot about the fact that i didnt ever think i would get to 40. And here i am!!!. I havent really lived for the future ever and now i find myself trying to plan for future and i struggle with it. I def agree that we should be able to make a decision on our death. It seems the one thing we dont have control on. I just watched my nan die from alzheimers and i know for a fact she wanted to go long before her death.
Maybe there should be a rule that u have to live a certain number of years before u can take ur life, to eliminate all these young kids wanting to die cos high school is painful. (Wait till they grow up some.. ). When u say meeting do u mean AA or NA or something similar?? Im in NA myself. I look at the older members and i think… mmm will that be me?
I think your right…. their probably should be some kind of minimum age you need to reach before you can legally get assistance to die by your own choice. Maybe 35 or so. Because you are right a lot of young people would be opting to end their lives over some silly trivial part of growing up like peer pressure or a break up…. then if we had too many young people opting to die too early then we would not have enough people of mature age for society to function.
When I said meeting I actually was referring to BINGO. LOL. I went to play Bingo with my friend and her mom > her mom is 92 years of age… I went along with it. It was kind of fun… but there were a lot of elderly people there. Some of them looked happy. Some of them not so happy, But I cant see myself wanting to live up into my 90’s. I just dont see it happening. I am kind of bored with life at 44. LOL. Good luck with NA and keeping clean.
Death is easier when you can plan. Everything. I’ve got 33 days. Comforts me a bit to know i have a plan.
yes, I do believe that death is easier if you know when its going to come so you can plan for it.
Get all the shit done you want to get done before it and then say your goodbye’s and then meet the dead line with diginty and just go away. I think that is a better option then lingering on year after year not really wanting to be here…. thanks for your input
Losing one’s mind doesn’t seem like a bad deal. Losing it to the extent of ‘being out of it’ sounds very attractive to me.
For me it does seem like a bad deal. Because people who are out of their minds and still alive > usually have to be taken care of by other people and that care can be expensive and also losing your mind and being alive > you become a burden to others and also for me it would be embarrassing. I dont want to be remembered as the guy who lost his marbles and wound up in an institution drooling all over himself and shitting himself and being combatant with the nurses and staff. So long as I am alive… I want full use of my mind. When My mind goes I want to die.
Life without control of ones mind is worse then death to me.
if i did the 46 plan i’d never know my buddy PhantomCitizen43, that kind of sucks!
Yeah you do have a point there. Its possible that some great times might come later on in life.
SO maybe I need to hang around until Im at least 55 or something.
yeah! exactually! to be honest i’m like everyone else i came close very close to ending my life, i felt it was the end, but something changed my mind, long story but all the sudden i realized that someone cared about me, it was my dad, anyways i don’t know where i’m going with this, but i don’t believe in setting dates that’s a self fulling prophecy, i believe that when the pain is so great and living one more day would be just horrible that’s the time, things for you could turn around within reason, so please set your sights on improving your life at 46 and not ending it. that’s what’s keeping me going, goals! to make things a little better by a date, if your feel you can make an improvement then do it no mater how sight it would be, it may surprise you, and then make you realize that it’s worth it to stick around, we only have one chance to live as a human. to think to feel to be aware! it’s going to be quite boring when we can’t!! 🙂 why rush it?
Thanks Rocketman. Yeah you speak words of wisdom. Yeah, I too have come really really close to ending my life a couple of times. One time I wound up in the ICU in a coma for a few days and man > it was a close call. And YES, at the moment I tried suicide I thought that I couldn’t go on anymore. But then > well. I lived and surprisingly I have gone on to have some of the best moments of my life after the attempts. So that kind of gets me thinking. Man. I am glad I didnt die back then…and who knows… maybe there is a life worth living past 46 for me.
SO you are right I should be spending more time focusing on Goals I want to achieve instead of setting exit dates.
Your a good man Rocketman!!
I feel better
really we are all sitting in front of this box, thinking the same thing, no matter what are situations are, enjoy the gift of thinking, your art, my singing! it’s not our job to cure the world, or change it, we are here to just do what we can, the end is coming for everyone, and we will all suffer the same fate, nothingness, it’s coming the date is already set by mother nature, i’m not trying to give you a feels good speech, i want you to exist and tell stories, post art, and be my brother, live through each other and hope for the best for each other. were all here together and your contributions help me everyday, PhantomCitizen43 is a hero! and look forward to seeing your post everyday, i live to hear from you, because i know i’m not alone.
Thanks rocketman for your encouraging words and your compliments. Yeah, I think that I think to much about things… when I should just live and enjoy.
have a great night.
I believe I need to simplify my thought life.
Hey phantom… lol i just checked ur response to my question re meeting. Oops.
Anyway.. bingo is kinda like NA. People hanging out in a hall or room somewhere.. someone getting bingo is like soneone getting their 1 year chip! Anyways thanks for ur comments. Take care. Charley. !!