The world is for the rich the young the beautiful the mainstream. Those who tweet ot ..what ever the hell the verbs for instagram and snapchst are. For the social the cool the sheep who idolize their shepards. Not the ugly the poor the old the fat the mes polygonal pegs the have no hope of fitting anything society has pegged for them. I never had a youth just pain. Ive been fat ugly and miserable my whole fucking life and im not over it. I am disgusting.
Ive been working on my weight for years widdling down my 383lbs to around 250lbs over 2 and 3/4 years. Its been tough and I still have another 40 to 60 lbs to lose. Recently ive been reading posts about dating post weight loss and how cant i be depressed. More often than not its a 180. Not just for their preferred sex but people in general. Fat people are invisible. As comterintuitive as that is its true. People don’t respect you if they don’t find you physically attractive. I can’t help but to hate myself. Why didn’t I try to lose weight sooner when i was young. How much different would my life have been if I was just the weight i am now. The looks of repulsion by women the disrespectful soul crushing rejections. They hurt more than the nights i didn’t have electricity or id wake up to a smashed up house as a kid. Women have treated me like dogshit because I was fat. Now with my current life i have a sliver of a fraction of the social opportunity i had. Playing the numbers game my best chance for finding some one is looking as close to a greek god as possible. Its shallow but we as humans are. If i put more effort into my looks and weight when i was younger i would have developed as a person differently. Those who want to use the c word (no not ****) confidence are missing 2 key points. 1st The divorce rate for bariatric patients is elevated. The dynamic of your relationship is based upon your attractiveness. If you are the ugly one out of the relationship you know that they know that and so does everyone else. The 2nd point is confidence like all forms of energy cant be created or destroyed but transfered from something. In other words you need something to be confident for more often than not.