This is hard to explain, so apologies when it becomes muddled.
Suppose you feel you have to accept being alone – and I don’t just mean not having a partner, but no deeper relationships of any kind. No one who really knows or understands you, no one ‘on your side’ who would stand by you if they knew the truth.
That’s a hard reality for me to face. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I have this idea of how life should be. People shouldn’t be alone. If you’re alone, then you’re sad, and worthless, and your life is meaningless. And so believing that I make myself miserable, and my life seems meaningless.
I think the truth is I don’t really care about anything deeper. Once you remove these unrealistic aspirations of partner, friends, prestigious career, family etc., what’s left?
I’m just an irritable ape getting stressed out by the world. And it’s not that my pain and suffering is so intense or excruciating most of the time. It’s that underneath, it’s all there is. Any relief I experience from it is based on delusions of how life could be. And as soon as those delusions are punctured by reality (as they constantly are), I’m dropped right back into the meaninglessness of my suffering. My existence consists of a desperate attempt to con myself into believing that somehow things will get better.
And I guess if I was more successful at it then things would be fine. But I’m not able to detach myself from reality sufficiently to ever really feel ok. A part of me won’t let go.
6 comments
Good post, Sad but good, i’m not going to reply with a bunch of happy horse shit, just what reality crap instead? 🙂
keep in mind were all in this boat together and really your problems are everyone’s problems.
life isn’t magical for some, everyone gets hit between the eye’s sooner or later, in my case it was later over a period of time, i was stupid for most of my life, as bad as it sounds it’s better to be stupid.
OK enough rambling, let’s see! hum?
“Suppose you feel you have to accept being alone – and I don’t just mean not having a partner, but no deeper relationships of any kind. No one who really knows or understands you, no one ‘on your side’ who would stand by you if they knew the truth.”
Pretty much on the money! We come in this world alone and we die alone. Sure someone will be there mostly when you die a stranger, a relative, a spouse? even though someone is there to hold your hand your going out not them so your alone in that voyage anyways, point is when you die you die alone nobody is going with you!
People can put up with “knowing you” for awhile but that gets old to them too! for example a person that’s suicidal.
suicidal person: oh i want to die!!! i want to kill myself!!!
your partner: oh things will be OK you will see! think happy thoughts 🙂
suicidal person: oh i want to die!!! i want to kill myself!!!
your partner: this person is a fruit cake!! no future here GOOD BYE!!!
So my point is no one going stick by you it’s easier to leave!
“That’s a hard reality for me to face. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I have this idea of how life should be. People shouldn’t be alone. If you’re alone, then you’re sad, and worthless, and your life is meaningless. And so believing that I make myself miserable, and my life seems meaningless.”
The idea of what life should be 🙂 Wake up! Beautiful dreamer! 🙂 i thought the same way what we think life should be and what it is really like are two different things, reality always wins.
“life is meaningless.” it your job to decide the meaning of life, it’s about you, if your depending on someone else to give it meaning to you will be screwed every time. following your dreams and passions what ever they may be.
“Delusions of how life could be” there is that wishful thinking again! quit wishing and start accepting it far easier to deal with when you accept it although we don’t like it. who said life is fair?
Now that’s my advice, however i have to try to follow it myself!! Were in a lot of trouble aren’t we!!
Forgive me for the terrible reponce i’m not happy about it either.
As I said rocketman, I don’t think I really have any dreams that don’t depend on other people. I don’t think I really care about anything deep down.
I don’t know how to ‘give my life meaning’. Whenever I try to confront reality, everything just seems utterly pointless.
Which would be fine, except life is full of discomfort and irritation. And I don’t know how to accept that. I’m not sure why I should. Why endure that, if I don’t really care about anything?
I appreciate your advice, though I fear we may just be completely screwed.
ha ha! i think were completely screwed! but what about sitting in front of the computer and talking with others? if we weren’t alive we couldn’t do that, we couldn’t think. isn’t that worth something? as Rocketman starts putting a nose around he neck! 🙂 just joking!
I think it’s worth something if you can invest it with meaning. But for me that starts to fall apart fairly quickly.
new answer i had to change some words!
Good post, Sad but good, i’m not going to reply with a bunch of happy horse shit, just what reality crap instead? 🙂
keep in mind were all in this boat together and really your problems are everyone’s problems.
life isn’t magical for some, everyone gets hit between the eye’s sooner or later, in my case it was later over a period of time, i was stupid for most of my life, as bad as it sounds it’s better to be stupid.
OK enough rambling, let’s see! hum?
“Suppose you feel you have to accept being alone – and I don’t just mean not having a partner, but no deeper relationships of any kind. No one who really knows or understands you, no one ‘on your side’ who would stand by you if they knew the truth.”
Pretty much on the money! We come in this world alone and we die alone. Sure someone will be there mostly when you die a stranger, a relative, a spouse? even though someone is there to hold your hand your going out not them so your alone in that voyage anyways, point is when you die you die alone nobody is going with you!
People can put up with “knowing you” for awhile but that gets old to them too! for example a person that’s suicidal.
suicidal person: oh i want to die!!! i want to kill myself!!!
your Soulmate: oh things will be OK you will see! think happy thoughts 🙂
suicidal person: oh i want to die!!! i want to kill myself!!!
your soulmate: this person is a fruit cake!! no future here GOOD BYE!!!
So my point is no one going stick by you it’s easier to leave!
“That’s a hard reality for me to face. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because I have this idea of how life should be. People shouldn’t be alone. If you’re alone, then you’re sad, and worthless, and your life is meaningless. And so believing that I make myself miserable, and my life seems meaningless.”
The idea of what life should be 🙂 Wake up! Beautiful dreamer! 🙂 i thought the same way what we think life should be and what it is really like are two different things, reality always wins.
“life is meaningless.” it your job to decide the meaning of life, it’s about you, if your depending on someone else to give it meaning to you will be screwed every time. following your dreams and passions what ever they may be.
“Delusions of how life could be” there is that wishful thinking again! quit wishing and start accepting it far easier to deal with when you accept it although we don’t like it. who said life is fair?
Now that’s my advice, however i have to try to follow it myself!! Were in a lot of trouble aren’t we!!
Forgive me for the terrible reponce i’m not happy about it either.
i give up sorry it’s under moderation twice.