When is it a right time to say goodbye exactly? When do you just say “ok I’m done now?” How long have you been suicidal, and every year you set a date, don’t do it, and feel like shit? No, seriously. How do you know when that time really comes, and it’s time to go? I’m wondering because, I’ve been suicidal since 18 (i’m 22 now) and every year I set up a date, time and place as to where I’m going to end it. And it never happens. It’s repetitive. Every year. And so now I’m saying, next month has to be IT. Next month or hell even this month or next week or matter of fact any day now, will be my day. I’m not even setting up dates or times anymore. I just now know that I’m going to one of these very days, I’m going to lose it, and kill myself. I’m at the end now. 18 I was just getting started because I believe deep in my mind I knew my problems then were actually temporary. They are no longer temporary. There is no solution I feel to fixing my situation.
-I flunked out of college. Nobody will bother to accept me any place else. And I cannot pursue my dream of being a nurse without a degree. So that’s out of the picture.
-I don’t have a job, having a hard time getting one. Plus I’m still living at home with my mom which is just personally embarrassing to me.
-you’re not really worth anything without a college degree here. When you have a college degree, I feel like your open to world of possibilities. House, car, money, you dont have to struggle too bad. You don’t have to live paycheck to paycheck.
-I’m in a lot of debt. It’s sickening. I’m going to be struggling for the rest of my life.
-All of my friends are finished or at least finishing up college. I know I shouldn’t compare my life to other people but it’s just so hard to watch the people the same age as me to be happy and accomplish something big. Something that I’ve been wanting since 6th grade. I completely flunked out.
-And I know this is stupid, but even the guy who raped me is graduating this year. And I’m saying this because I hate how much he hurt me and is probably one of the key reasons why I flunked out in the first place gets to graduate. I hate how he’s one of the most lovable persons on campus and he gets to go further than me in life. I just truly hate myself.
I have failed completely at life. There’s not reset buttons. No going back. Nothing. Going forward is out of the question too. I have nothing to look forward from here on out.
3 comments
Why didn’t you report the guy who raped you? Sexual assault is a criminal offense that should have gotten him expelled from school. You could still go now and lay charges against him if you speak with police.
I used to do the same thing where I thought of planning my suicide, but now I’ve decided to stop worrying about death and try to live. (Plus, I have a health issue that could kill me anytime, so I don’t really need to plan suicide.)
There are still courses you could take for certifications. Not all well-paying jobs/careers require college degrees.
Please seek rape group support online.Many victims spiral out of control mentally and your not alone and help find or explore different coping mechanisms. At the very least , find others that are suffering like you from your city or online preferably offline.
I believe your experience and life can be shared .
-I flunked out of college. Nobody will bother to accept me any place else. And I cannot pursue my dream of being a nurse without a degree. So that’s out of the picture.
-I don’t have a job, having a hard time getting one. Plus I’m still living at home with my mom which is just personally embarrassing to me.
-you’re not really worth anything without a college degree here. When you have a college degree, I feel like your open to world of possibilities. House, car, money, you dont have to struggle too bad. You don’t have to live paycheck to paycheck.
-I’m in a lot of debt. It’s sickening. I’m going to be struggling for the rest of my life.
-All of my friends are finished or at least finishing up college. I know I shouldn’t compare my life to other people but it’s just so hard to watch the people the same age as me to be happy and accomplish something big. Something that I’ve been wanting since 6th grade. I completely flunked out.
all of this is me as well (btw I’m 20). I totally understand what you’re currently dealing with. I’m in a similar boat. Have you tried maybe a trade school in the area or do you have something like Job corps in your area? Maybe something like that could help.
WIshing you the best,
Trey, the mindless gamer
btw you can email me treygo47 at gmail or kik me at lyricalnotliteral