Every day I wake up in the morning thinking, “fuck, I didn’t die.” I take a shower, get dressed and go to work. Everyone thinks I’m normal. I come home at the end of the day, and think about dying. I try to decide if I should take all the medications I have and then worry it won’t be enough. If I decide to kill myself I don’t want to fail. I’m not trying to get attention, I want to die! I’m on anti-depressants and increased the dose last week. See the doctor tomorrow. Not sure what to tell her. What I want to say is I want to die, but I don’t want to get committed. I’ve already had the police at the door trying to save me and all I did was call a suicide prevention hotline and never got through. Never again. Learned my lesson. Will it ever get better? I don’t see how.
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8 comments
If you are thinking of overdosing, don’t waste your time it’s not going to work. The only type of prescription medications that you can successfully kill yourself with is with painkillers like oxycotin or something. And it’s next to impossible to trick a doctor to prescribe you those.
Just don’t waste your time with overdosing on your antidepressants. The worse will happen to you is that you damage an organ and you end up in a psych ward for a month
I have hydrocodone and tramadol that I didn’t use after hip replacement surgery. I think there’s enough to do it.
metoo
you never do anything because you “think” i new a man that thought he was constipated then shit his pants, jumping from a burning building is different than jumping from one that’s not on fire.
I’m not sure I understand. I truly don’t want to suicide, but I truly want to die. Working up to suicide more every day.
we feel we want to die! that is a feeling! feelings can change! if your terminal well then you end the pain, if you have a chance! you don’t throw it the towel. any time your think your not sure.
I guess you’re right, but every day I keep moving over to the other side. I’m almost ready to do it.
I say you have a fighting chance since you are still capable of functioning and even holding down a job. I have been a prisoner of my home for too long and I cannot work because of mental issues. I do not date any longer. There is no energy here for someone else to take a lot of my time. Since you are still able to function, keep going.
Imagine sitting in your house and feeling completely useless with no life at all. That sounds more awful than going to work. It’s funny I envy those who can work and I don’t envy them at the same time. What I have noticed is it’s better than doing nothing and at least working gives you a sense of accomplishment…well it should. Plus you blend in with society at least. Again, being out of work and stuck at home like me would mean you’ve fallen farther from society. I don’t know how to turn things around when your thoughts are constantly focused on suicide or dying. Keep working and stay busy. I think it’s better for people mentally when they do that.
I’m so sorry and wish you well. Hope you can get it together and get a job. Yes it does help and I enjoy going to work for the most part. I truly wish you well.