I see people enjoying other’s company. They talk about everything and nothing at the same time. They care for each other. They like to be together. They laugh, they cry, they live.
I never had any friends. Most of the time I encountered people who was only being polite to me, were fascinated by my looks or wanted something in exchange (usually protection). Classmates are only classmates, they only talk to me in class, and only there. They don’t care if something happens to me.
In my only reason to live, people just bear with me or ignore me. But some of them are friends with each other, and their talks are so fun: they share ideas, jokes, stories. They plan things to do together. They also get worried if someone doesn’t show up, they message them to see if everything is ok. But they’re not my friends, they wouldn’t even notice if I don’t go. I’m kind of jealous, but I love them so much. They’re beautiful people, of course I’m not worth of them.
I wish I had friends. Real friends. I pretend all those people I know are my friends but they aren’t.
I feel so alone.
2 comments
I’m sorry you feel alone. Its a terrible feeling. Since I left the state that I was born in there are times where I just feel really alone. Back home the people just were different than they are here. I don’t know how to explain it other than people out here are “fussier”. Its like they care what other people think. Whereas where I come from, people really don’t seem to care much. And I don’t know why but I miss that. I miss the person who says “S*rew It. I’m going out in my sweatpants with my messy bun today and I’m going to walk like I could care less.” So I don’t know if you feel uprooted somehow? I know I do. But anyway, maybe you just need to find the right niche of people, go to some social events and hang out. Maybe that would help. Maybe the first once or twice you don’t find someone but you know its like baseball. Your batting average is bound to increase with trying. Speaking of all of this, I should take my own advice! lol Well I’m glad your here participating in SP. Welcome. I don’t feel so alone knowing someone else feels alone too. Even if your god knows where.
Dude, I soo could’ve literally wrote this. But yeah, sucks…