Am i just a glutton for punishment, why can’t I just leave him (my husband). I’ve tried so many times and it never works out. He’s so mean and he doesn’t see it my way ever. I know I’m not perfect but I don’t think I deserve how he treats me. I can’t walk away he’s not physically abusive but he’s very verbally abusive and has no issue telling me I’m ugly and need to lose weight. He tells me how I fail all the time and I already feel like crap about myself. I’ve looked at places to move so I can leave him, I’ve even reached out to a few places but it’s like when I get up the nerve to leave we have a good day and it’s hard to leave. We have more bad then good. He plays an online game and all his friends on there think I’m his roommate. Before my life insurance lapsed I was planning on ending it all. I’m such a failure and I can’t talk to him about anything. I want a rabbit and he had agreed but I rescued guinea pigs. The pigs died and now I want the rabbit and he doesn’t want me to. He wants me to get a turtle and I don’t want a turtle. I hate it. How can I find my escape why can’t I just walk out like people tell me too? Why do I have to love him? I hate my life and I want to die but I can’t even do that right.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
6 comments
Do you love him though? Or are you just attached to the idea of how it should/could have been with him?
Maybe you have trouble leaving because he has made you feel so crappy about yourself… He has made you think you need to ask permission to do thingsyou want to do for yourself.
I hope you do what you want to do.
I used to think I did but now I don’t know what love actually is. I feel something when I’m around him but I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s sympathy for him, maybe he treats me so bad because he’s lacking something. And maybe I could fix him or help him and I guess I don’t want to be alone. He’s only the 4th person I’ve ever dated and everyone else didn’t last a year. My mom is trying to helpe leave but I feel like if I do it’s another thing I’ve failed at.
Well, the choice is yours.
I would see leaving him as a victory, not something you failed at. It doesn’t seem he wants to be “fixed”/change from what you’re saying. It would be a personal victory for you, despite the marriage failing. You would be taking your life into your own hands.
I hope you find happiness in whatever way you choose to go.
Thank you I hope I can to. My mom just left an abusive relationship and that’s why she’s trying to help me out as well.
is that you? pretty girl! listen i hate to say it but i’ve been through many separations, if your not happy then you need to move on, don’t be afraid, but don’t be stupid! have a plan so it isn’t so hard to recover, we humans go through this all the time, we have to make decisions that we don’t want to do but that are good for us.
is that you? pretty girl! listen i hate to say it but i’ve been through many separations, if your not happy then you need to move on, don’t be afraid, but don’t be stupid! have a plan so it isn’t so hard to recover, we humans go through this all the time, we have to make decisions that we don’t want to do but that are good for us.