Au revoir, ma princesse…

Goodbye, my princess…

I’ll try to keep this as brief as can be to spare everyone the trouble of reading it.  I have had a busy life, it hasn’t been all bad, there was some amazing bits. I have gotten to travel to Ukraine, Africa, Italy, Spain, Seychelles  (I even carved my name into the aloe leaves on the hidden walking trail with everyone else’s) and so many other places. I have accomplished alot, graduated top ten percent from high school, perfect attendance for 12 years of schooling, trained in all sorts of technical repairs, a few credits away from an associates degree in mechatronics.

I’m not writing this to say everything I have done, and to brag look at me, this is in the appropriate section being a goodbye letter. I am not going to run the risk of sending it to anyone in particular so there’s no risk of being slowed down or stopped. I will miss is my dog, she is my daughter, my little princess. I am so proud of her, and in fact she got my last suicide attempt stopped because I wanted to see her before I died and got sent to an emergency room. This is my goodbye letter to her.

I am sorry, I do love you and I wish I could hold you while I passed away or even just pet you one last time, I can’t have that happen again. Here within the next week you will go live with your aunt I have talked to her. She thinks I’m going on a trip with work and I need her to watch you, until your mom can take you back. When you’re safe with her, you have all your toys and food, and I see you driving off, I will be drive off and never see you or anyone again. I know you will not understand if I told you or I know you won’t be able to read this, but I do want to put this out there because it’s making me feel better like maybe there’s a chance you would be able to understand this one day. I know that’s stupid but you are so smart and I talk to you all the time. You just patiently hear me out, I’m sorry baby girl, I can’t this time, I can’t be stopped, I loved every extra second I’ve spent with you since the last time I tried, but your Dad just can’t take this life anymore. Please don’t be mad at me, don’t think it was your fault, you had nothing to do with this sweetheart, your Daddy is just too weak. I do love you Anastasia, with all of my heart, this will be the hardest thing I think I ever have to say, but please I hope you forget about Daddy so you don’t have to hurt or wonder when I’m coming home from work.

You must know what I’m writing you always have been too smart, you just came and laid in my lap even, I just took my last picture I’ll ever have of you on here. I’m breaking out in tears because how much I hope you grow up happy and get to play as much as you always love to. I’ll remember those fun car rides together, how well behaved you have always been, all those snuggles you have always given me. I’ll remember everyone of those and you will be my last, beautiful memories of this world, my little princess. Daddy will always love you. Au revoir ma petite princesse…