I really give up. I’ve tried so hard. The last few days have been absolute shit and everything has gotten worse. My hours were cut yet again in my first job back to 10 hours a week. The same day both bosses bitched me out over every fucking thing some of which is them not knowing enough about something they should. First thing was a service we use for scheduling posts to multiple client’s accounts. Well when you add an account, the new account becomes the default to post to. So he bitches me out for posts for one client being scheduled on the new client’s account that didn’t exist on my end when I was doing the scheduling which means he was on there too adding the account and didn’t remove it as a default. Not my fault when I don’t know what you’re doing on the other fucking end and since I’m never notified or given work for any new clients… Second thing was my other boss (besides being pissed over a lot of other fucking bullshit) about had me delete/abandon my salesforce account saying “I’m the boss do what I say and do it now! Log out and make a new account!” and then I’d have lost 3 weeks of progress and work in reading through all the training shit. Well she’s pissed that (what she doesn’t know) is that to complete a lot of the trainings you need a developer account which when I went to do that, said to create a new login and it can’t be your salesforce email address so make something up. So I did that, got it connected, and completed more of the challenges. But SHE wants the log in to the developer site to be THE SAME as my email address which is the login to salesforce. (After it told me it CAN’T be the same.) So fucking take it up with salesforce and not me!!!! But she tells me to email support and tell them to change it so that everything is THE SAME. What the fuck ever. Change the whole god damn system for you, right???
But what I’m really done with is even trying. My friend that I’ve loved and given my all to… He keeps complaining and posting all this shit about how no girl ever wants a nice guy and good guys can’t get any girls and he’ll always be single after he admits he’s rejected quite a few other women for not being his type and anyone that’s a size 4 or bigger doesn’t have a prayer in hell to get with him and he can never admit that he’s totally superficial. And now it really hurts because it’s like he doesn’t want to be seen with me anymore and we’ve hung out so much for so long and he never had a problem with it until the other day when we ran into some loudmouths while playing pokemon and he got all stupid to impress these guys. And the first guy we met was like 3 of me put together, he was a big muthafucka and looks kind of like the guy in the meme I’m going to post, if you picture that guy about 10+ years older, unshaven, and about 200 lbs heavier. And when it was just him and this 8XL size shirt guy talking, he starts to go on about how he needs a tiny petite girl to make himself feel like he’s worth something and feel like a good man and the big fat 8XL guy is ageeing with it and saying yeah yeah same here bro I feel ya. Like are you kidding me?!? Hah! Now, the guy I like IS gorgeous beyond belief, but being 260 he still thinks he’s too fat to get a girl under 100 lbs that he wants and that it’s all the girls’ faults for being too superficial to date a fat guy. But the 8XL guy was just ugh! Looked a little dirty, seemed to have a bad attitude (know it all, typical for a gamer sorry but yeah playing pokemon is really my first exposure to participating in a video game) and when it came up in conversation that he said “well I’m unemployed” and “yeah I live with my mom and she’s on disability” I was thinking Geez what a shocker there! So fuck this shit! 8XL guy thinks 80 lb anorexic is going to want him!?!? At least with the guy I like, at least I think he is gorgeous enough to get any woman on earth. But 8XL guy?? Come the fuck on!!!
I’m really fucking sick of the shit and I’ve been through it my whole life! I’ve always liked big guys and have always seen them all always say they have to have someone super skinny, super tiny, extra small, petite, whatever word they use to describe it. With as much as I’m trying to help my friend out, I feel like he’d be happier without me and being homeless in the ghetto shit hole place he’s wanting to run away to and he’d forget all about me because I don’t fucking matter for shit. I’m so fucking tired of struggling, I can’t get a real job at the fuck all, and I’m sick of crying all the time because of how much he hurts me!! I’m not living the rest of my life being ugly and worthless to everyone! Of course now I’m not making the money I need to fucking kill myself, I need a good $500+ at the very least and probably more than that. Maybe I’ll be able to panhandle it or rob someone last minute and get away. I don’t know. But I’m fucking done and I’m just going to run away first and leave everybody in the fucking dark because FUCK THEM ALL!!!!!!!
8 comments
Even today’s daily encouragement sounds demotivational for me, for the first time actually…
September 23
Winning in life is not a matter of form or appearances. It has nothing to do with vanity. Victory in life ultimately hinges on whether one has truly fought, whether one has truly advanced.
Daisaku Ikeda, SGI President
So, getting ahead is what matters. You can fight, and fight, and fight and work yourself to the bone until you break and still not get anywhere and your effort is meaningless. :'(
“Victory in life ultimately hinges on whether one has truly fought”
It’s very simple.
How much do you WANT to succeed in life? Besides complaining, blaming everyone else, and finding excuses not to get stuff done, what have you done to move things forward? Or are you treating life like it’s still high school?
If you haven’t “fought” by using determination, strategy, motivation, persistence, etc., then you’re not going to see victory.
Trying to put me down and make me feel like a failure isn’t the way to go here since I am determined to kill myself!! But having said that, you have no fucking idea how hard I’ve fought my entire life to have just a normal fucking 9-5 take car eof myself type of life and have NEVER come close due to being TRANSGENDER, FAT, UGLY, DISABLED, born into poverty and the multi-disadvantaged never fucking win!!! Only way out is a body type I wasn’t born for!!!! I wasn’t built to be 80 lbs! The least I COULD BE is 180 lbs due to my frame and the muscle I’ve put on!!
I’m not trying to put you down, disgusting. This isn’t a pity contest. In countless posts, you mention your challenges, how people are out to get you, and you list excuses as to why things couldn’t work. Complaining and venting are fine sometimes. It’s best not to keep things in. When all we do is complain, seek pity, and blame others, it gets in the way of making progress. This might be a textbook example of that. With all due respect.
To point out the obvious (to me at least), what does a person’s looks have to do with what they want in life? You’re saying a fat guy who lives with his mom is not allowed to want a supermodel. But I suppose some athletic jackass in a BMW is allowed to? Only good looking people are allowed to want good looking people? And isn’t that exactly the attitude you complain about? The fact that you’re wasting your time hung up on some good looking guy because you yourself are “disgusting”?
You are amazing I know it similar problem but with not believing I am capable of achieving my greatest goals and in thus becoming a failure. Ignore people who insult you all the time it just waste your time only you know what your worth and having millions probably in your area the chances of meeting someone you admire is endless so in conclusion only you are capable of achieving what you work hard to achieve.
Don’t listen to that voice that tells you to kill yourself because that’s the demon of suicide putting self hatred and guilty thoughts into your head to make you so depressed causing you to end up killing yourself ! What ever sin you did go straight to Jesus Christ and confess it , repent of it with a sincere heart and Jesus will forgive you ! Jesus wants you to live ! Jesus will never tell you kills yourself that’s the enemy’s voice ! Rebuke it , get back on your feet and say I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me ! The demon of suicide attacked me one time causing me to put a wire around my neck but thanks God I’m still here and have learnt to keep your friends close but your enemies closer ! Know your enemy ! Your enemy hates you and wants you to die but Jesus loves you and wants you to live ! I had quiet a few attacks from the demons since being a Christian but thank God who is greater in me than the Satan who is in the world ! God always gets me back up and makes me more stronger as what dosent kill you , will make you stronger! So be watchful don’t be ignorant of the dark rulers ! They exist the demons exist , don’t act like they don’t or ignore that they exist because that’s when you become an easy target not knowing their devices ! You should acknowledge them so then you can rebuke them in Jesus name so you can then serve God to the fullest without distractions from the dark rulers lurking about ! Otherwise 1 minute your happy next your sad next your depressed next your doubtful next you want to kill yourself next you hate yourself next you love yourself … Your up down up down not having a clue what the heck is going on ! The fact is were in a war, not with flesh and blood but with the dark rulers of this present evil world ! And they have their own names and own characters ! So put on the full armour of God so you can stand against their tactics …..
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. “
Its k..you are going to get someone you like and you are going to love your life one day..strive through these hardships