I refuse to see this day live

I refuse to die at the moment when all of humanity is doomed. I refuse to die in a shocked crowd as we watch bright lights detonate all around us. I refuse to see the look of hopelessness, regret and fear in the faces of fellow brothers, sisters, and all other life as we await our final moments before the unimaginable  pain of hell on earth is unleashed unto us. I deserve to die but I don’t want to see these images with my own eyes the moment I die. I want to die a peaceful death. So if I see a bright flash in the sky one day or if we are warned of this unavoidable scenario in the coming years maybe less…..then I’m gonna do it with my own hands and a trigger……And of course i’m gonna have to be alone when this happens if I don’t want to see the expressions of fear, and hopelessness. I want to do it somewhere quiet and away from everyone else so that I don’t make a bloody scene. I want to do it somewhere in the wild. But what I really wish is that I could go out like a champ. I wish that I could die running a marathon or something like that because then it’s like saying my body may be pathetic and perishable but at least I had the soul of an extraordinary fighter. For every mile I run I defuse one of those stupid bombs. Hopefully I can run a billion miles before dying.