What I mean is, I was bedridden for weeks because of a major depressive episode and going through withdrawal from benzos. Now that I saw the psychiatrist and have more benzos, I have the “tools” to give me that push to get through the day. Only problem is, I STILL don’t want to fucking do it!
Yes, I’m grateful I’m not suffering withdrawals anymore and can get on with it, but I’m still looking at the bright and burning sun like “Why?!” There’s more guilt when you’re capable of doing something and still don’t want to. At least being sick, there was a legitimate reason.
I have no idea why I posted this. Just saying it’s harder knowing you actually have to face the fucking day this time and not just stay down.
3 comments
so its better if we just dead, right? whats the point of all this anyway
I honestly see no point because we’re going to die eventually or be wiped out by something anyway, whether it be our own government. aliens or the Earth just saying “Fuck all of you, I’ve had enough of you selfish A-Holes.” My thoughts are dark though I realize. I still don’t see the reason to be positive if all this is coming to an end one way or another anyway.
I guess I shouldn’t have said I don’t see a reason to be positive because it’s better to try to be happy if you can. It’s better than being miserable with the time you have left. It’s just in my nature to be miserable.