*Disclaimer* I know a lot of people are suffering here but please dont take your suffering out on me. Dont assume about my situation because I don’t assume about yours. Now on to the post.
Ive never had a girlfriend. I’ve never even had the opportunity. In 29 and im going to kill myself if a month before my 30th b day if that is still the case. I also need a better chance of a career as well but this post is about my love life that other one comes later. If these 2 things aren’t met I’ll die. In fact I’ll probably do it earlier if i don’t see any hope for improvement. Ive been shitted on so many times in my life its sickening. Anytime any mentions relationships or sex i literally cringe and panic uncontrollably. My whole life with girls is being told im not good enough. I dont want some bs advice. Gotta be more confident shit. Im actually way more confident than i was as a teen. Social media didn’t exist then. Now I’m competing with hundreds of guys and i look like fucking Patrick Star. No amount of confidence will overcome that. Plus its not getting a girlfriend its getting a loyal one. I know a guy raising some one else baby with his long term gf from back home. Howd you like to have the love of your life come home with someone else’s kid? When i waa younger girls used to bully/tease me for them not liking me. Taunt me with how they screw other guys and how im “just a friend” or just outright say i dont measure up or am not attractive enough. I kept thinking that if i kept taking shots eventually someone would like me but it never happened. Every orange moon id get a desperation lay from a girl then get ignored. The idea that youre supposed to have control over your ability to date or rather that its taken for granted angers me. The idea that love is dead angers me. The idea that im too ugly to be cared about pisses me off. I don’t even know if a girl can be trusted based upon my life either. I had an old ldr come back into my life to be validated and try to pull the wool over my eyes again recently when i wasn’t even interested in her in that way because of distance. For fucks sake all you have to do is say youre talking to some one so im not talking about how depresssd i am to someone elses girlfriend. But you have to act like its 2014 again where you lie about what your doing slut out and take all of your frustrations out on me. Fuck you i wish we never met you never gave a fuck. I’m just tired of seeing sex everywhere and shallowness everywhere when all i want now and have ever wanted is love but its apparently too old fashioned and I’m too ugly.
4 comments
It is a loneliness few understand. It sounds like you feel beyond untouchable, more like dehumanized. Well, there are a lot of women in the world who feel the same way you do about themselves and about men. I wonder how many times people talk themselves out of a shot at real love or happiness in a response to having been abused, neglected, put down or shunned by cold-hearted people. I don’t know you, but I wish you wouldn’t give up. Your thirties can be a time of growth and balance. Please don’t give up.
In honestly I haven’t. These posts just end up therapeutic.
Wow, I literally had the same thought today. If the time comes that I turn thirty and I dont have any prospects in my dating life, Ive decided that I will end it all. Unlike you though, I’ve had girlfriends, but am still a virgin (by choice). Now I’m at a point where I haven’t had a date in almost a year and its not getting any easier.
I refuse to think that I am meant to be alone. I’ll choose death before facing life alone.
Ive spent most lf my life dateless ive had more years without dates than actual dates lol