My god mother’s mom passed away .so I have to go to Florida for two days for the wake .

I don’t want to go at all, I hate Florida so much hate the people there I hate the smell of the air  .

I like my cousin and her baby but there weird and I might not see them .

But why I am really posting is because I am being forced to go to because ,”all the people who talked about you and said you are emo, you will show them your your perfect and happy”.

(Btw emo means suicidal and selfharm ) in a nice way tho .

All said by my mom because faking it is what matters a big show and smile . Sure mom there is no scars on my arms ,but the scabbing cluster of cuts on my thigh the size of a lemon . no knows about it except the random people on this forum but. But no big deal it’s the week I cut again I have to socialize ugh.

I’m pissed I have to go out and pretend I’m ok . it has been 6 or 7 months since I been home . not once did my parents ask if my brain is ok my mental health . granted there was a  tragedy the same two weeks my life that was already crumbling ,then suddenly burst into flame and ash .

I am not OK and I’m still alone .

Also it’s another power play , mom is making it so every body talks so good about me . so they talk to my ex in-laws who lives in the key west To hear . my mom thinks that will make them die inside.

as I’m writeting this  my dad tell why don’t you just get razor blade and end it . because I’m not super fucking duper  happy happy when they call my name .

I’m fucking hate my life so tired of pretending and I been doing a shit job that too like everything else in my life .I’m so fucking worthless .

Pretend your happy alright.