A few nights ago I was at ease .Wrote the notes . Placed all me cards / Passport etc neatly on the table to be found easy enough . All my wishes spelt out . Pat the dogs goodbye and poured a drink .. Ya see I was going to take the same way out my brother-in-law had .. Sit in the car with the hoses stuck inside the exhaust and jammed into the car .. Problem is — Ya going to love this — Cars today have a fuckin thing called a CATALISTIC CONVERTER ..Right .. Takes out up to 99% of the nice no smell no taste Carbon Monoxide That my Bro had used in the old HR Holden .. — Fuck me,I Finished me drink and started wondering how fuckin long does this take ?? . I did start to feel a bit sleepy and said to myself –Here it comes ..NICE ..Still relaxed . I closed my eyes and nodded off only to wake up choking to death instead of just going quietly to sleep .. I Turned her off , opened the door , Got a deep breath of air and fell over on the ground .. I must of passed out for a few seconds , Woke up .. Had to go get a torch to find the keys I dropped when I went ass up . I was Thinking — Man you had ball Brother in law .. Not to be out done I jumped back in and started again .. FUCK ME about 40 mins (yes 40) I wake again coughing and puking .. My sinuses burning like fuck. I pinched my nose and breathed in hard through my mouth . It was just Too hot and burning like fuck .Again I opened the car door . So much for a peaceful exit right . Went back inside hid all me shit ,and went to bed .. All in all I spent about 2 hours rooting around sucking up shitty black smoke for nothing ..I was so pissed off .. To think I gave up smoking cause I thought it was bad for me ?? Anyway — I decided to do my homework – The NEXT Day-(I am a dickhead) and find out about modern exhausts .. Got to laugh right .. It seems I could have just had a charcoal BBQ inside ..STEAKS ANYONE ?? —
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YES, I can RELATE. Some years ago. Maybe 7 years ago > i tried the same thing. I was going through MANIA. Deep depression and high anxiety and just wanted to end it. I drove my car out of town. I went to some kind of Hardware store and bought like a 12 foot long exhaust hose. Like one of those hoses they use in garages to put on a car exhaust and funnel the exhaust out of the garage. SO I bought that Big hose and some duck tape. I drove my car to a spot that I found way up into the woods in a secluded area. I took the hose and duck-taped it on the exhaust and then funneled it around into the passenger side door window. I put the window up as far as it could then duck-taped the rest of it off so that only the car exhaust could come in and no air could get out. I also made sure before I did this that I had a full tank of gas in the car so that the car would run long enough for me to be in exhaust for hours
Well I got in the car and started it. The exhaust came in and it was scary. It smells not so good and well I was also in panic mode. When the car started to fill up with fumes you get to a point where it is hard to breathe. When it gets hard to breathe > there is a part of you that has an instinct to survive > so part of you wants to open the door and breathe But I really wanted to die. So I fought off the instinct and climbed in the back seat and forced myself to sit there and go out. Well eventually the gas in car gets so thick that you start to get dizzy and start to fall asleep. I was screaming > GOD JUST LET IT ALL END!!! LET IT BE OVER I really did want to die. Well the gas came in and I then feel into a peaceful sleep with the car still running. I drifted off to sleep and thought it was over for me. I passed out and only saw darkness. I thought I was dead for sure.
Well I was out for a long time. But I then woke up!! I was like FUCK. Why did I survive??
I was pissed off mentally and I also had pissed my pants because when you pass out like that you can lose control of your functions. So I woke up.. I was Mad as hell. I had figured out that the car had choked itself out. So I thought that I would go and gas up the car again and then try it again.
But when I tried to get out of the car > I was almost in like a drunken state. The gas I had breathed had me in like a zombie state. So I was not in total correct mindset. In fact I was panicking because I had read that if you breathe a lot of CO2 but dont die > you can wind up living but be partially brain dead. So because I was in a drunken state and could not think too well I thought maybe I was half brain dead. I was like SHIT I have to finish myself off.
I drove my car to the nearest gas station > well when I was at the gas station putting more gas in the car a Police car rolled up on me and saw all kinds of duck tape hanging off my exhaust and he came over to ask me about it. I lied to him and told him I didn’t know what that was and that maybe kids had been playing with my car and put that on there. Well he looked at me I had pissed my pants and then he looked in my car window and saw the pipe in the car and the ducktape and then he asked me. Did you try to kill yourself????
I said NO. But he had enough evidence to think YES : SO he baker acted me.
He put me in the cruiser and drove me to the hospital and they checked me out for lung damage and then put me in a pysch ward for a week and put me on meds.
SO I lived > but the experience was rough
I was way out of town and my family had to come get me in the middle of nowhere town…. and my car was towed and the whole thing was rough
you are right about the catalytic converters they stop most of the Co2 so most cars these days wont emit enough co2 to kill a person unless you know how to remove the catalytic converter before you try that.
SO that way does not work as easily as some people think.
So well I know what its like to go through that. I hope that you dont try this again.
I hope that you try to work out the issues in your life and find a way to keep living
I dont want to see you die.
what is going on in your life to make you want to end it??
I did not die back when I tried this > but my life has gotten much better and now I want to live and my life is good
I hope things get better for you
Hey – I read ya story – I know It’s fucked up – Laughing I am .. Not at you / me – Just the story . Cars should come with a warning .. ” these fuckers can’t gas ya “..Good God . I’m almost 50 years old so I have lived .. Done most things like travel .. Had a great partner for 27 years . Though Depression caught up with me . Me misses just couldn’t cope with my crazy shit .. Doctors and shrinks had me on all the new meds .. All of which did nothing except make things harder . To cope, to talk to people . My ex found it easy to talk to every other mother fucker about my / Our dramas though .. I guess I ended up being the weird one in the group .. So she walks in one day with all the paperwork to set her free from me and I just signed my life away . I went from owning A beautiful 2 story pole house a rental property two cars – Nice friends I’ve known since I was 16 – TO a cheep dump (which I own outright) in a fucked town full of junkies and losers with no friends.. I kinda went from king of the hill to bottom feeder in the blink of an eye . So no job , No friends , No support (I’ve tried Dr’s) Money running out real fast – I don’t know where else to turn. Can’t get unemployment and I’m so fucked in the head I don’t even get out of bed most days .. I really don’t want to bother anyone cause most people are just interested in there own lives and my dramas are just something to talk about over the dinner table . If anybody I knew gave even a bit of comfort to me I wouldn’t be on this site . So This is where I have ended up – Even as I type this I’m thinking about a charcoal BBQ in the house or maybe a gas heater in a sealed room . Weird right ? But still manage to be laughing about this very serious topic .. These thoughts just cloud my mind — awake and in my dreams — I’m just a little tired of all the crazy in my head ..
hey man, sounds like ur in oz too.. the holden reference gave it away lol. yeah my old man did the same thing a few years back with the exhaust. he ended up in hospital then they scheduled him to the psych ward for a bit.
anyway hang in there if u can.
Yeah -AUSI-AUSI-AUSI–Fuck I even handed back me gun a few years back . I have not been in trouble with the cops since . I should have kept the fuckin thing. I’m sure that a bullet would do the trick .. 1second – Done – .All the Thinking about Gas – Ropes – Trains – Pills -It all adds to the PRESSURE .. I saw someone here the other day was going to swallow 72 -375mg Asprin .. I’m kind of wondering how that went for them .. I was thinking the may be living with a fucked liver or worse now .. I’ll get through the day and see how tonight feels .. Maybe good maybe bad – Either way the world will still be here with or without me — People get over shit real quick these days ..
ur not wrong… but whatever you do, do not overdose on aspirin or panadole. its so fucking painfull, you basically get to a point where your liver is screwed and ur screaming in agony and if you front up at casualty they cant do a thing for you but watch you die. its a teenage girl way to exit anyway… oops did i say that? shit sorry.
take care man.
Helium. 🙁 🙁
Yeah .Maybe ..
No I wasn’t thinking Aspirin at all ..I was just following a post about somebody taking these yesterday – Was through half .. I was thinking that might not be the best way to do things .. Unlike the car thing of coarse . Helium – I like a laugh ,sure .. Looked into it and can probably get a bottle from a balloon hire shop . I always loved sucking that back whenever I saw those balloons but never thought of a whole bottle .. There’s bottles for 88 balloons ?? How many balloons worth do ya think you would need ..? I’ll google it later anyhow .. If it were just a case of breath it in – Sleep – Die I can handle that .. My first choose was gas .. I just messed up with the how’s and how nots to with car gas .. DO YA HOMEWORK I say now ..
I know this is terrible to say but your story, well your style of story telling, cheered me up. I needed it. Even though it was a small, barely a second, chuckle, thank you.
I hope you’re still around.
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