I don’t know why I’m here anymore. I’m a waste of space. I can’t do anything good. I am slowly starting to shut down. I’m getting tired of watching the tele, eating, sleeping, and reading. Everyday is the same, wake up, shower, dress, eat, make lunch, brush teeth, and then leave. After school, bathroom, school work (sometimes), tv, boredom, eat, and then sleep. Same thing 5 times a week. Weekends- wake up, play on laptop,lunch, laptop, tv, dinner, and then sleep. Sometimes I’ll sleep all day. I don’t know what to do anymore. Maybe I should go, but then how can I leave the one person I care for? But yet they are so much more than me. They don’t deserve me. They deserve so much more than.. than whatever you wanna call me. I can’t do anything right anymore. My temper is slowly starting to fade, my mind is starting to go insane, I am slowly losing it. What’s right… I shall never know. I think what’s best is for me to go… “The worst feeling in the world is knowing you did the best you could, and it still wasn’t good enough“
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This reminds me greatly of my own experiences. The way that I’ve managed to survive as long as I have, is to try to find things I do enjoy and to do them. I know that sounds basic and sometimes it is an impossible task. Even the littlest things to get through my day, like eating my favorite foods, listening to my favorite bands, playing guitar, or playing some StarCraft. Then there are nights like tonight where I can’t really bring myself to do anything. Hang in there. Remember that even though it seems hopeless, some days are still better than others. I stick around for my family and friends. Find anything you enjoy, and try to embrace it.