Besides talking about how shit life is, like I know I can go all day about and many of you here on this site can go on about. I am going to talk about why I’m really contemplating ending my life. And that starts with myself.
I blame myself for my own death. Not really myself by my own actions but myself, myself. Aka my brain. Not only does my brain overthink every single thing which causes my depression, but I seem to have no interests and accumulate no joy out of everything. I can’t keep an relationship, I am too boring and depressing of an individual. I do bad at school, my lack of interests keep me unmotivated. Everything to me, is just boring.
People ask me, why on earth do I want to kill myself? They would kill to be in my position. Which I completely understand truly, you look at me from an outside perspective, I have it all compared to some others. A loving, caring and stable family that provide for me everything in a great location. Not really have dealt with much loss yet (notice how I say yet because it’s inevitable). I am young (19) , above average intelligence, average looks and an entire future ahead of him. A girlfriend, and just compared to many others or perhaps 99 percent of people, an very very easy road. I never had to suffer for much. I’ve been giving my food on a table like a king.
But I am a king that does not want to eat. My future is dull because of who I am. I am bound like many to become a drug addict or a workaholic, and it wouldn’t be worth it either to keep going. Why? I just have nothing to keep me going. I am killing myself, because I hate myself.
4 comments
You’re just having an existential crisis, we’ve all been here. Hint here, friend: “The money, family, and friends setup doesn’t change the despair that sleeps in us all.”
You know your limits, no one can tell you otherwise. They could, but you’re still confined to a confusing, uncomfortable head. The best thing you could be is creative and helpful, without ego and a grandiose sense of pride.
There may not be a reason, but we can all relate to each other in the end. We all leave this life, that’s the good part to me. (I have hopes to never return to any form of life, period.)
Too much noise for head I inhabit.
I’m here for the pizza, the weed, the poetry, the books, and Halloween everyday.
Eat some pizza, it’s a bandage for the heart.
I would like to advise you to NOT end your life. You are young and you have a lot going through.
It is common for people around your age to be a little confused about life and where it might lead. I think you should take some time to learn about new things. Read some books about some different subjects in life and try to find some avenue that you would like to go down. Also I would like to say… that often Helping Other People > gives a lot of people a sense of self worth and purpose in life. SO maybe you could get a job as a caretaker or something like that. Or maybe even volunteer at a Hospital or something
DO some soul searching and try to make some Goals for yourself
People need Goals in life.
Try to decide what you would like your life to be in say 2 years from now and then start working to get there.
You need a shift in your mindset
Hey…
I’m in much the same position as you. Stable family, topish university student, average looks, approaching young adulthood with supposedly many more years ahead to look forward to.
I know exactly how it feels to feel… stuck in existence. When night creeps over your mind and you wonder what it’s like to sleep forever and escape the shackles of daylight.
You have every right to feel the way you are feeling now.
What you feel does not define who you are.
You are potential.
You are loved.
(From what you’ve written.)
And I think you are interesting. You are not boring. Every person has a story.
And I am so glad I found your story. Because we are not connected yet connected, in our similar circumstances.
Try not to fall into the trap of treating your brain like it was some alien entity maligning your behavior. If you’re depressed, there’s a reason. If you’re smart like you say, you’ll find it.