Besides talking about how shit life is, like I know I can go all day about and many of you here on this site can go on about. I am going to talk about why I’m really contemplating ending my life. And that starts with myself.
I blame myself for my own death. Not really myself by my own actions but myself, myself. Aka my brain. Not only does my brain overthink every single thing which causes my depression, but I seem to have no interests and accumulate no joy out of everything. I can’t keep an relationship, I am too boring and depressing of an individual. I do bad at school, my lack of interests keep me unmotivated. Everything to me, is just boring.
People ask me, why on earth do I want to kill myself? They would kill to be in my position. Which I completely understand truly, you look at me from an outside perspective, I have it all compared to some others. A loving, caring and stable family that provide for me everything in a great location. Not really have dealt with much loss yet (notice how I say yet because it’s inevitable). I am young (19) , above average intelligence, average looks and an entire future ahead of him. A girlfriend, and just compared to many others or perhaps 99 percent of people, an very very easy road. I never had to suffer for much. I’ve been giving my food on a table like a king.
But I am a king that does not want to eat. My future is dull because of who I am. I am bound like many to become a drug addict or a workaholic, and it wouldn’t be worth it either to keep going. Why? I just have nothing to keep me going. I am killing myself, because I hate myself.