Not knowing what my future is going to hold is honestly starting to suck. I know we aren’t supposed to know, but I’m so scared for me and my husband right now. He isn’t okay and I know he’s scared. I hate myself for not knowing what to do. I’m scared for not knowing what this next year of medical bullshit we’ll have to go through brings. I’m scared I might hurt myself or even that I’m already at that point because I just don’t know.
I don’t know why I logged in here today. Or why I chose to tell you these things. It might be from the medicine the nurse gave me at the emergency room today, or maybe I’ve let the feelings consume me to the point I’ve returned to old habits, not necessarily knowing why or even wanting to stop it.
I’m just so tired…
1 comment
its ok to be scared and i know thats a cliche and i know im not the best person to tell you this, but being self aware is so fucking important, and you are. try to gradually be okay with being scared and not knowing. control little parts of your life, make a routine. eat out of the same cup everyday, bring a water bottle around w you everyday, make something definite and solid about your day. something that is little but yours. remember to stay hydrated, eat well, and get rest.