It’s true that my flatmates are very nice, but nice just doesn’t cut it. Nice doesn’t cut off the sense of being ultimately being alone.
So ironically I resort to the internet for company.
This morning I was texting a guy on Tinder who told me he was into the idea of bondage, and from there my mind flitted off to somewhere else… to thoughts of sex and potential pregnancy and WHAT IF I BECOME A PARENT oh god that would be unimaginable and my offspring will suffer the same things that I did how INHUMANE is that? Bye Tinder although you are so tempting
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So basically I am nothing but a bunch of random thoughts composed by utter inaction. I don’t know what my purpose in life is. Maybe life is an adventure that has ups and downs and hot and cold flashes and I’m frozen
…THE FIRE ALARM JUST WENT OFF FUCK YOU
I look at my face in the mirror and in selfies and I realize that I am nothing special. Just an animalistic creature with inherited and randomly composed features that can create nothing truly original.
Interesting thought of the day: sex and death are mirrors of each other.
Perhaps death can be pleasurable.
Perhaps
Perhaps
I will die one day and it will be the most glorious day of my life
For the self then disappears and I will become at one with the world
My body falling apart and scattering into the rivers and mud
And all these emotions and feelings will be no more
and it will be the most glorious day of my life.
4 comments
I can relate to the fear of having children. I feel too incompetent for the responsibility.
I don’t think I will swear off sex to avoid it, though. Hmm… You made me think.
Do you have any dreams left, anything you would actually like to do?
I don’t have dreams that are set in stone, but I would like to maybe busk in the streets one day. And earn money with nothing but my guitar and voice.
Have you?
From what i can tell, you are an artsy kind of spirit, as many of us, living on the brink of life(and death), are.
You say you can’t create nothing truly original, but every moving thought you ever have is original and so is every new, deep and troubling emotion you experience.
And don’t expect your life to have a purpose, that would be stupid, for nothing has ever truly had. You can pretend that it does have a purpose though, in which case the true question is “What can I do in life so that i feel like it has a purpose?” so again, it all boils down to how you choose to experience your own emotions. It’s 3 am over here and im to tired and drunk to continue with this rant. I hope you’ll keep posting, purple :*
Dying while having sex sounds like a good way to go.