PMDD is fast on my heels and kicking me hard right now and my body and mind are sluggish, slow, hyper aware of sensations but not ready to deal with them.
I feel so incredibly tired and alone and I can’t help but think that everyone is just in denial of how alone they are. Which I know isn’t true.
Went to the drugstore today and didn’t find any allergy medicines that had diphenhydramine labelled on the package. Are there some sort of replacement compounds for diphenhydramine now? Why can’t I just sleep and die?
Deadlines are coming in a few days and all my mind can say is…
I don’t give a fuck.
I don’t know why I’m even here
And what are you gonna do about that?
I forgive myself also for not giving a fuck (this internal dialogue is mostly for preventing panic attacks).
I am so tired and my eyes are liquid lead and they seem to belong there, glued shut to my face
So
tired
of
this
I
don’t
belong
here.
How can I. I look different from them.
You can’t fit a square into a round hole.
oh godddddddddddc
–
What can I do
I don’t even have the motivation to exercise
don’t have the strength to haul myself up in a hoop much less uphold my body with arms
so sad so weak
sleep is my prison and refuge
1 comment
regular anti-anxiety/depressants got no effect on you/pmdd?
Not that I’m suggesting you are, but, turned out my mother was Bipolar, (fuck yea did I win the lottery once more), and I don’t know, seemed like getting her on meds, helped with/during the cycles, and every time she went off, during her cycles, she would be much worse off than just “normal bipolar”(fuck that sounds weird calling it that)
I can’t say if it was just the disorder that happen to flare up and coincide with her cycles, just seemed a bit too much of a coincidence back then. Eventually she had surgery, and again seemed like she was when she was on meds. Back to “normal” Bipolar
So, since I’m not a woman, and thus of course don’t suffer from it myself, and got no direct experience with other than my mother,
baring surgery which I imagine isn’t quite optimal since you are so young, could meds be a possibility?
“Hello Mr. Doctor I’m nuts, please fix, insert X drug Y dose directly in brain to correct Z issue, would you kindly”
Sorry bad joke, it all just reminded me of the younger years.