Message to self:
What am I doing here? It seems like this world has no future. And I don’t have the ability to save it. I’m not sure anyone does. It’s too much for any one person to take in. And not enough people are even prepared to face the problems. The worlds smartest and brightest are consumed with petty bullshit, hiding their heads in the sand. Everyone pays lip service to the real issues, without really dedicating themselves to tackling them. I should do something, but anything I do will be tokenistic and pointless.
And I’m not even a good person. I’m a fucking terrible person. I shouldn’t even be alive.
So what the fuck am I doing here? There’s no future. No family, no children. Even if the world wasn’t screwed, I’m the last person I’d trust to raise a child. I don’t even want a family.
What hope do I have of finding love? None. I’m a awful person. I don’t even like other people most of the time. I’m a narcissistic asshole.
So what the fuck am I doing here? Living for hedonism, waiting for the end? Except everything gets boring, and empty.
11 comments
Your first paragraph should be my epitaph. As one who has destroyed his own life on quixotic efforts of saving the world, some more successful than others, I have realized that nobody can keep up with the shit that keeps piling on.
Statistically we’re fucked. If you lived back in, whatever, 0 A.D. When the world’s population was only like a million, sure you could make a difference by preaching a sermon on a mountaintop. But fast forward to today with 8.5 billion people in the world and that number growing virally every day, your efforts are reduced to zero.
In mathematics/chemistry, it’s the phenomenon of significant figures. At a certain point, the minutiae are discarded to “roundup error”. That’s why I don’t vote. That’s why I don’t believe any 1 person can make a difference. but guess what, I’m such a fucking idiot that I keep trying anyway
Regardless of what year it is, prophets and crusaders have changed things because they were acting locally. DO NOT think globally, think about being true to your principals.
Regardless of how many people your good acts affect, everyone will die, the sun will one day explode, the galaxy will slide into a black hole, teenagers will ignore you.
Be quixotic, but be it for yourself.
Well considering I just got my ass beat by the latest windmill, the idea of a black hole is very appealing.
I’m unable to stop thinking globally, maybe it’s because I watched too much scifi when I was a kid. All the stories of interstellar warfare and interstellar peace, one person saving the universe from destruction and all that. It can scramble a kid’s brain and before you know it we have a generation of dumbass kids trying to save the world.
I dunno. If I weren’t so obsessed with the big picture, what would I do with my life? I think I would actually make a very good hedonist. But when I’m in hedonist mode that’s actually when I become the most suicidal. Like after a wild night of partying, I feel like rather than driving home I could just lie down on the interstate. Because eventually when you sober up, it sucks to realize you’ve just wasted your time on nothing that makes a difference .
A hedonist never thinks time having fun is wasted. For shame! ?
Have global principals but don’t think about them so much. In fact, stop thinking. Interact with what’s in front of you, one day at a time.
Um, dude, of course the windmills are going to kick your ass every single time! The key is to look good (inspirational) while doing it.
You’ve been inspirational to me. I’m a better man because of the stories you have told. True, those stories involve you being unhorsed, which make it more likely I’ll get on my high horse, which will lead to my defeat, which will cause someone else to buy their first horse, ad infinitum.
All this is some kind of power play by horse breeders, maybe.
Mine is one of those wooden rocking horses so I don’t hurt myself. But it also explains why I don’t get very far.
Haha interesting notion that the point is to inspire. I’ve often thought about that. Is it more important to accomplish something, or is it more important to inspire others to accomplish it? I waver back-and-forth. Most of the time I realize that the efforts of one person are meaningless, so the best you can do is to inspire. but then the next minute I look at all the clowns we’re sharing this planet with and realize if you want to get something done you have to do it yourself.
@SeeSmith:
Sure, everyone will die, and the world will eventually come to an end. But there’s something about it being in the near future that makes it feel all the more pointless.
We all continue carrying on as normal, but the next generation faces multiple catastrophes. We’re literally living in the end times. Nothing we do has much chance of outliving us. I think it’s human nature to want to pass something on to those who come after us, to build something, however tiny. It’s gives us a feeling that we’ve tangibly contributed in some small way. But it’s all just going to fall apart, and probably within my lifetime.
All that’s left is the transitory relationships between people. And unfortunately I fail pretty hard when it comes to deriving meaning from relationships.
Save one person and you save the world, even if that one person is you, cliche, but it’s as true as it is hard
Start with kittens, then work your way up!
This might sound like a joke but I’m completely serious… There was a time when I was so rock bottom that the only way I could justify living another day was to save flies who were trapped at the window. It actually kept me going through some very dark days.
Reverse Renfield.
You made me want to watch one of the greatest movies ever: Dracula Dead and Loving It