At a loss because I don’t have the essentials:
1. A gun
2. The courage to cut into my veins with a knife
–
Besides these two, other methods have a high rate of failure. Unless I buy more and more OTC medication and swallow a ridiculous amount that manage to stay in and not get thrown up, but that’s unlikely either. The body is sure to reject that much. It’s either too little or too much.
Unless there is a way to feign symptoms and get certain prescription medications? Currently I have: acetaminophen, ibuprofen and diphenhydramine. I don’t think these are actually enough.
Living is hard and dying is hard why am I even here and stuck
10 comments
You wouldn’t believe how “easy” it could be……..
but reading this makes me sad, I don’t like you feeling that way, even though that’s not my right.
did you consider talking to a school counselor yet?
what about an m.d.? at least the doc could give some prescriptions to try, might make things a little more worth while
and if not at least you now have the start of a supply, your very own little stockpile of molecules.
though the thought of you having enough of them scares me…. afraid you might just end up using the stockpile.
is there really no one you can talk to? no friends on campus/town? no friend back in Hong Kong, that would make you feel better to talk to?
If only I knew what would lift you up, just enough, to keep going, to feel better…
I wish you’d be better.. happy..
if only wishing made it so…
keep going Red and stay strong Purple, smile a little, Redandpurple
If it is that easy, then there wouldn’t be only one successful attempt out of every 25 people who try to end their lives.
most people are “idiots”, doesn’t think it through, doesn’t want to truly die, too afraid in the final moments, panic, many different reasons for their “idiocy”, that keeps keeps them here
I believe this, I have seen this, I can recognize it from my own halfhearted attempts to the ones with success
there can be many reasons to die, but a person only needs a fragment of one, to “attempt”, fail, and learn that Fate, Life, binds them here, unwilling to let go, because they still have a reason to stay, if only a fragment.
With even just a fragment, Life wont release you to Fate to die,
hold just a fragment, and Life demands that you Live and your Fate is thus.,
try to cheat, Fate will make sure you fail in the attempt, because you still have a fragment of Life inside you
Part of my being would like to think you still have a at least a single fragment of Life in side of you, to believe that you will Live
Even if you had a gun it doesn’t necessarily mean you would pull the trigger. There are two in this house and I haven’t done it yet. I have felt ridiculous urges a couple of times– loaded one of them, held it to my head, held it in my mouth.
I’m still here though.I guess I like knowing I have an easy way out if absolutely necessary. But, regardless of whatever amount of pain… An easy way out is not really a necessity is it? It’s a luxury.
You’re strong. Just hold on. Things change.
That concerns me. Can you get rid of them?
No. They are not mine. Although when I move (if I ever actually do) the guns won’t come with me, as they are not mine to take.
I don’t think I will ever actually do it (kill myself). I’ve had plenty of chances. I’m still here. Something is keeping me here.
Thank you for voicing your concern
Glad to hear that 🙂 I mean, obviously, I don’t want you to suffer, but I am hoping you will feel better given time.
Thanks for saying that.
Wouldn’t the aorta be a better choice? I got a decent job at first I thought getting a job would help with my depression. I’ve been lying to my self. I’m saving enough money to buy a gun I would also like to take a few lessons to properly learn how to use it.
I can’t get over the fact that you are alone with these dark thoughts. Wtf is wrong with our society? We are all sitting alone, sad, communicating by wire. We pretend everything is fine to the outside world. It is so f***ed up and unnecessary.
People can come live with me, seriously. We’ll probably be evicted in short order, but then surely we can find somewhere new? Or build it, or whatever?