I just signed up to be an organ donor on the NHS today.
That way, if anything happens (which I hope will), my organs but not my consciousness (which would be horrifying, prime gothic material) would live on somehow before it reaches the end and returns to the Earth.
So yeah. Just a fun little update. If you blow your brains out at least your organs will find their way to someone else?!?
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I feel so ugly today.
I opened my eyes and my limbs were full of blood and water and vitality, but my mind could not find the strength to command them.
So I slept again, and missed every single appointment the day had to offer me.
Then I woke up and looked at my face in mirror
eyes too small
eyebrows too sparse
and now too unshapely
and my forehead is too wide
my nose is too big
my mouth too small
my chin too small
Let’s just say staying in and watching movies is really bad for me, because I start comparing myself to the beautiful actresses and actors and realize that my exes were hideous in even my own eyes and that means I am too.
I am a face that is insignificant, that no one wants to look at for a prolonged period time unless I have something to offer.
I don’t like my face
I don’t like this world
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What you call beauty, others might not call the same
Some might find you gorgeous, but you find them hideous
How can you see beauty in others if you can’t see it in a mirror?
Even my ex didn’t think I was beautiful.
I read over something that he wrote again and realized I was only a refuge for his low self esteem. He explicitly said something like “she isn’t a pretty girl of any sort but I felt comfort when she talked to me”
I think I’ve just been watching too much western media and a person of my ethnicity and genes cannot in any way measure up to that
so many people got a distorted idea of beauty and what is “attractive”,
we’ve wandered off so far from what could be considered even a “natural” norm, thanks in part to ridiculous media.
Big huge, stiff boobs floaty enough to use as a life raft, with even larger puffy red lips that would make a baboons swollen ass jealous, bleached dead hair void of any vitality or softness, making one wonder why not just go bald. Nice brown spray paint, preferably in such a thick coat it shields against radiation better than lead
None of that shit is natural, or beautiful in anyway, and I pity those that manage to be convinced that it is desirable
Then again that’s just my view,
I tend to find Nature a bit more beautiful than chemicals, plastic and black smoke, be it in nature or on a human, call me old fashioned.
or maybe you just need to find a guy with an Asian fetish?,
they would worship the ground you walk on for sure
A rose is a rose is a rose
Doesn’t matter what things think, it’s still a rose,
so don’t try to change it,
it’s already perfect being just the way the rose is,
why would ever we try make it anything but a rose
let the rose be a rose
Poetic language as always
You probably have BDD, I have it as well. BDD or Body Dysmorphic Disorder is when you look at yourself and constantly find something wrong with you all while comparing yourself to others. As you said, your nose is to big your mouth is to small or your eyes are to small. I do the same, It is also when you feel you are ugly when in fact you are average or above average. I’ve had people tell me I’m ugly and I’ve had people tell me I’m handsome, and some tell me I’m sexy. I feel ugly and disgusting when I look in the mirror, I mean I look hideous to myself, I’m 20, I have acne, I look tired, I look depressed, I look angry, my jawline is crap, my eyebrows look stupid. But try not to beat yourself up over it as it only makes you feel worse.
It is very ironic because I only started to develop these very specific opinions after going onto “beauty” websites and attemping to improve myself with products and whatnot. I had thought that I was average but couldn’t figure out what it is, so I turned to the media. Then, after acquiring a shit ton of cosmetic products, I realize that the kind of beauty that these companies are trying to sell with their models is the kind that is accessible only with genes. They say a certain face shape and body type is ideal, and finally I am able to pinpoint what exact kind of people the world thinks is beautiful.
But I’m not white. I don’t have big and wide caucasian eyes. I don’t have coloured hair. I don’t have a small dainty nose. And they say these are beautiful. I don’t have them. I haven’t had them since I was born, but thanks for pointing that out.
If you listen to society after a while you’ll feel useless one way or another. They make it seem like only the smartest and sexiest people are acceptable and get everything and that’s not true at all. If I went and compared myself to my friends or strangers I would probably feel like dirt. Yeah I may be an above average guy (from what others have told me) but if I go and see some tall sexy guy with big abs, muscles, nice tan and a perfect face, I’d feel like crap to. And don’t pay attention to that whole, “face shape body type” thing. Everyone has their preferences on what they consider an ideal person.
True. I guess that’s why they say the “establishment” is rigged in America. (I’m not an American but I do keep up haha)
And thank you for that reminder. I needed it. 🙂