recently anxiety has been taking over my whole being, as soon as I leave the flat I feel like throwing up , having panic attacks, sounds stupid to some but I try hide my face Incase people will think I’m ugly, I can’t even eat alone if I’m in public and I’d be lucky enough to get all the way to counter with my food without worrying about their judgment. I hate being so difficult…. I constantly feel people think I’m an idiot and they don’t like me, I try so hard to be nice to everyone and I still don’t understand why I feel so out of place.
I feel so drained and tired all the time and sometimes when I wake up I just go back to sleep, I have no motivation left, only place I feel safe is mine and my boyfriends tiny flat it’s like a studio apartment thingy and as long as I’m locked away I don’t feel to bad sometimes just overthinking can trigger me to panic but I’m scared of getting out of bed I feel like if I stay here no one can see me to judge me, it’s like all my energy has been sucked out of me, even the pain in my back is getting worse and I’m finding it hard to walk without it hurting.
i feel like I’m my own prisoner and all I want is to be set free, my polluted mind is destroying the real me, the me that I worked so hard to find to lose all over again I don’t know how to get back to the person I was.
i wish I still had dreams and ambition and lots of it, I’m so jealous of my boyfriend and how amazing he is he just keeps going and works so hard, I miss him when he’s away as he knows me a lot more than anyone else does I know he loves me otherwise he wouldn’t put up with me , he doesn’t know it’s this bad though, he knows I get sad but I just say I’m sensitive which isn’t a lie.
im suffocating myself, i just want to be set free from all this negativity I want to WANT to get out bed and have a productive day and enjoy some food in town on my own and enjoy my own company with a mind full of positivity and confidence, I don’t know how to find myself again, this time feels different this time it’s worse, I’m scared I’ve lost her for good.
2 comments
I’m sorry that you’re struggling with anxiety. It can really put a strain on a person, and their life. Like you said, one prefers to stay in bed, away from people, with no drive to actually do something.
Just keep in mind that every person is just going about their daily lives. Rarely do people judge others, and even rarer do they judge them negatively. They don’t have the time or the reason to do that. To them, you’re just one of the hundreds of people they see every week.
O and I think you can still get your dreams and ambitions back. I don’t think we’re ever incapable of stoking them back to live. It just takes effort and time. Take it day by day, one step at a time. Force yourself to go out. Think about the dreams and ambitions that you want to have, and how you can reach them. Also, maybe you should open up to your boyfriend. I’ve said it before, but a big part of a relationship is supporting each other. Anyway, good luck. I hope you beat this.
What do you enjoy doing that you could do in a social setting?