*gets on soap-box*
We were in love and I dropped you like a hot tamale. I didn’t even give you a good reason. I just left. And you don’t even appear to fucking care. Do you still like me? Do you hate me? You roll your eyes when you see me hugging my new friend in the hallway, but you still like my photos on Instagram. You find every excuse to text me but you passive aggressively tweet that you hate me… and then you delete it because you feel bad and text me that you’re sorry and want my forgiveness. Do you want my attention or not? Do you want me back or not?? Cuz if you do, I would love to hear it because God knows I’m that lesbian with the huge, bitchy ego that loves being loved. (And I fucking own it.) And if you don’t, then you’re wrong. Because you should. This Hispanic bad-ass full-blown-Aries lesbian gave you sugar and spice and everything nice for our whole entire relationship and I deserve more of mourning process from you than I got, because I am fucking worth it and you sucked. in. bed. You didn’t deserve me. The only thing I owe you is a huge, royal THANK YOU for reminding me that I have beautifully high standards for a reason and I need to pay myself some damn respect and never break them again. Because I am queen. And I deserve a fucking queen. Everyone deserves a fucking queen. Or king. Or whatever the hell they want. And I swear, all of our true loves are out there somewhere. Probably trying to push a pull door or accidentally getting off the wrong bus stop or or something. But they’ll find us eventually….hopefully.
Thank you. Goodnight.
*steps off soap-box*
6 comments
Hahaha hot tamale!!! Funny. Do you like tamales?
oh yes i love tamales
Why are you so angry with your ex? She had no obligation to be a certain way or make you feel a certain way. She couldn’t help being who she is, any more than you can’t help being who you are. You could definitely become a better person, and I’m sure she could too, because there’s always room for self-improvement.
The thing is, if you care about yourself enough to accept that YOU have flaws, and that YOU are the master of your own feelings and reactions, then you won’t project so much on other people, like your poor ex who probably just wanted companionship and to feel cared for and all that. (If she didn’t wrong you or abuse you without remorse, lie or cheat, et cetera.)
No one is perfect, and the sooner you accept that YOU, as a human being, aren’t perfect and never will be, but that you should love yourself anyway and continue working towards being a better human being (to yourself and other people), to be kinder, more compassionate, more tolerant, more forgiving… but yet while allowing yourself to feel and process negative emotions, the sooner you will be able to really open your heart to truly caring about others. That means accepting people for who they are, even with all their imperfections and faults.
Sometimes people just aren’t compatible no matter how kind and compassionate and understanding either of you are, and that’s totally ok, and you shouldn’t hate the other person because of it. They took a chance with you just like you did with them, and if it didn’t work out, at least you can say you tried. They will always remain a part of your journey through life.
So, please look inwards and think about exactly why you are so upset, and why you might hold others to impossible standards. Is it because you can’t forgive yourself for your own mistakes?
You were you before you met your ex. You will always be you no matter who is in your life. Did you ever feel this way before you met her? Why did you feel that then? Compare that to now, and maybe you can get to the root of your frustration and dissatisfaction.
Our relationship was so one-sided. I put everything into it and she did nothing. She put in no effort. It makes me angry that she didn’t even care that I left because I did so much for her. She took advantage of what I was giving. And her not caring when I’m gone is like a slap in the face. Did she not appreciate any of the effort I put in? Did she not care as much as she said she did? I thought she would fight to keep me. But I guess I wasn’t that important to her. And that makes me feel bad. So I’m mad at her for making me feel bad. Is that bad? Does that make me a bad person?
Maybe she didn’t put in as much effort as you because she felt like you were the one in control of the relationship. Perhaps it was easier for her to go along with whatever you wanted or suggested, rather than to make any initiative on her own. Some people are more passive – they might be followers rather than leaders (in a sense), and they prefer if you make the big decisions (this could also be on account of the fact that they don’t want to bother you, or deal with you rejecting their thoughts and input).
She may also have not been aware of everything you were doing especially for her. Sometimes people have no idea that when we’re dating them, we treat them very differently than we do our other friends (aside from the whole romantic/sexual aspect).
I once had a significant other whom I asked, “What are your expectations of me, what would you like from me?” They answered, “Whatever you want to give me.” (It was only on certain occasions when they had a particular request. The rest of the time they just assumed that I would be around and wouldn’t cheat, etc.)
Some folks might even accuse you of being clingy and dependent when you’re always there to talk to them when THEY want to communicate, but you get upset when you need to speak with them as a confidante and they aren’t there for you. (That has happened to me, anyway.)
She also might assume you don’t really care, if you broke up with her. That’s why it’s not a good idea to outright reject somebody by breaking up with them, if your real motivation is to see if they care or not. Some people are so hurt by this rejection that they will never give you another chance, even if they felt like they had “loved” you. A break-up is a betrayal in a sense, after all. If you would leave them like that, can they trust you again?
On the other hand, if you instead sit down with them (or text them) and calmly outline your reasons for frustration with that person and try to come to an understanding and solve any issues (while also inviting them to express any problems they may have with you, or other personal reasons they may have not been acting invested in your relationship), you might reach a better conclusion. If that doesn’t work, tell them you need space and disappear for a while.
If they respect that, then try to contact you after some time has passed (maybe a few days, depending on how much space you said you wanted), then they probably do care about you (bonus points if they actually tell you that they care).
If you had previously interacted with them almost daily, and they don’t contact you by the time a week or so has passed (if you didn’t state how much time you wanted to yourself), maybe it’s better to move on and find somebody who feels like they really need you in their life because you’re special to them. (In a healthy way.)
My thoughts are based on my own experiences and that of people I’ve known, so they might not be accurate in regards to your current situation, but I hope I might have provided an alternate perspective of looking at your relationship.
Owning your power is good. Expressing your anger is OK. Just don’t make a habit of enumerating how people have offended you. (I did.) Let go or be dragged. (My new mantra!) Also, many people, especially young people, don’t really have the emotional depth one would expect. Lovers that are like a deep mountain lake are the ones to watch out for; refreshing with a possibility of being drowned. 😉