The fact that I allowed myself to fall right back down in this hole again or the fact that this time i don’t have anything holding me back from the darkness. Life has stretched me so thin that I have nothing left. I don’t want to be here I have no future like I’m miserable why bother to be alive anymore? I am so tired of trying twice as hard to be happy it shouldn’t have to be this huge battle to be happy to be ok even. Like I want to go we all die anyways and I’m just a nobody. There’s no one who I can impact no prophecy I need to full fill. So why can’t I just go now? Why couldn’t I be the one who had cancer why can’t I just die??!! I want to die right now and I feel like a coward because I couldn’t even go through with it. I matter to no one at least not in a way that truly makes a difference so why waste time here? Why remain and suffer? Why fight so hard to achieve a life I’ll never have? Death happens people get over it, I am tired. And I’m tired of sacrificing my deepest desires to make others happy? I want everyone to let me go. PLEASE let me go!!
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3 comments
I feel this too.. when i hear good innocent people dying i think ‘please take me instead.. let’s do a trade. i’ll go and they can stay’. I think of people i’ve loved in the past.. people who i’ve pushed away because i’m so unstable. i’d easily die for them.
As much as i hate when people try and give me ‘advice’, i’m going to just go ahead and say: you are far from a coward! You didn’t choose this life.. you didn’t choose you…
i think you’ve gone a f**kin good job at being you cause it sounds like hard work.
I was sort of happy to see your post, because I remember your handle from back in the day. And Alina is just such a pretty name.
I am sorry you feel hopeless. All I can say is: when we feel happy, do we expect that to last forever? No, we realise it is a feeling generated by a set of circumstances.
But when we feel sad, we somehow expect it to be permanent. That the circumstances will never change, or only for the worse. That they are unmalleable.
I think it is good you are at least posting here, ’cause you should be reaching out for help.
Hugs
I almost typed “jugs” instead of “hugs”, which would not have been as good.