So the last time I cut myself was early in March and I have not had a time since then that I’ve wanted to as much as right now. I threw all my razors away and have not bought any new ones since but each day I have the urge to go out and buy new ones. I self harm when I hate myself and it just seems to be more and more apparent to me that I don’t like who I am. I’ve already slipped into the habit of my old eating disorder, I go to university so it is not like anyone monitors when I eat other than me and I can barely stomach one meal a day on the basis that I hate how I look. The temptations to end things have also came back, I don’t feel like my existence does anything but subtract value from the world, no one will talk to me any more, the people that used to have stopped caring and we barely see each other anymore and I can’t speak to my family because my parents abused me when I was young so they only make the feelings worse. I just want to have someone who’s life is better because of mine and while I can’t see that it is really hard.