December 9th, 2016by SumTimesIWonder
I’m a grown man. I have a wife and children in their mid and late teens. I have a career
and I like what I do. I won’t become a millionaire but quite frankly not looking to either.
Without unmanageable debt, in good health, not religious but spiritually at peace with
my own convictions and family values. In general terms, I’m okay.
But I’m not.
I don’t know why. It just happens and it’s been like this for me for a few
years now. I’ll be driving and suddenly a knot clogs my throat and I can’t help bursting
out crying uncontrollably for about a minute or so.
I have tried to understand this, but I realize there no specific thought or
particular idea going through my mind at the times it happens. I haven’t
been listening to a song or music that could trigger such an episode.
But I cry.
I cry and for that moment, that ever so short instant, I feel this vortex
spinning in between my chest and gut sinking deep into my own self,
and it hurts and I can almost taste the sadness flooding from within and…
…then it’s gone.
It happened again just about an hour ago. My daughter’s friend came over to
visit and I heard them coming up the stairs, so I went out, said hello, hugged them
both, chit-chatted real quick, came back and sat down at my computer to resume work.
Bam, sinking again!
I was lucky, they didn’t hear me cry. But I know someday this may happen when I’m
not alone. That is the only pattern I have been able to notice, that each time it happens
I’m by myself. I don’t have conscious fears, phobias, or anger. I’m a good guy!
But I cry.