…Exactly how I’m feeling today. Right now.
I haven’t posted or been here in a long while.
But as most of us in here, sooner or later, we all comeback for different reasons.
I shared this video yesterday on my FB, and added a lightly worded call to watching it.
But here today I actually ENCOURAGE you to watch it. Whether you have, know, or are
a millennial, the message is extremely insightful. It was for me. It helps pre-millennials
better understand this generation which to some of us means our children, to some of our
friends, it means themselves, and it will help us all make some very important realizations.
I hope you DO find 14 minutes of your time to watch it.
It’s in English with Spanish subtitles, by the way. Please comment!
***WARNING *** TRIGGER CONTENT***
This is so fucking gutting. SO sorry for her and anyone else going through rough times here and elsewhere.
I’m in tears. She had SO much going for her. What a filthy worthless piece of shit family she had, the poor
little angel! She was beautiful, smart, MATURE for her age, and wonderful young girl…
PLEASE, talk to somebody. Reach out! If your family isn’t helping, go to someone who can.
Here’s YouTuber Mr. Gunk’s must-know facts about Katelyn’s life…
“Such a lonely day. And it’s mine.”
For crying out loud. Literally.
It’s barely past noon and I’m sinking within me again.
Hadn’t felt like this in a couple of weeks and here it goes again.
It’s come to the point where I guess I must accept the fact that I
struggling with depressive episodes…
Ok, so yes we all know why we are here on TSP.
One way or another, we’re all SPians.
But if you were to go (and we all will someday) but had
the time and opportunity to give your departure a funny
or humorous twist, what would that be? You know, you
get the last laugh sort of thing.
I mean no disrespect to any of you for your struggles.
It’s just a thought.
Take these people quitting and look at how they left their
jobs in the best of ways for inspiration. They checked out of
their [former] workplace in style!
Hello Fellow SPians!
I wanted to stop by and wish you all the best and send you good vibes wherever y’all are!
At the same time, wanted to ask you something.
By definition, I had a WONDERFUL Christmas. Just enough people, dear friends and beloved
family members, a delicious meal and a good amount of tasty drinks. From the good old eggnog
to scotch, beer, wine. My wife’s dinner menu included several desserts she made that were
out of this world delicious. And presents? Oh boy, many presents given and received! The
game I wanted. The gadget I wanted. The stuff my son wanted. The books and gadget my daughter
wanted. The jacket my wife wanted. And as of next Wednesday, the trip we’ve been looking forward
to all year..!
But I feel empty inside. WHY?
In the middle of supper, I had to go to the bathroom to cry a little. And again by the time our last
guest had left.
I feel like shit because I have all this and I still don’t feel full, and it’s not so much about filling
the void but the feeling of being consumed by that hole within me…
It is difficult for people to understand the mind and behavior of those affected by true
Bipolar Depression Disorder. Identifying, accepting and treating it in a child, that must
be extremely challenging.
If life isn’t worth living, it definitely isn’t worth dying for either.
With all due respect, if you believe there is no point in living, make it your goal to finding
that purpose. That may be what you need to pull you through long enough to prove you
wrong… or prove you right. But at least you will have tried harder than most.
YOU’RE NOT A FAILURE FOR NEEDING HELP OR FEELING HOW YOU FEEL.
YOU ARE HUMAN.
I’m a grown man. I have a wife and children in their mid and late teens. I have a career
and I like what I do. I won’t become a millionaire but quite frankly not looking to either.
Without unmanageable debt, in good health, not religious but spiritually at peace with
my own convictions and family values. In general terms, I’m okay.
But I’m not.
I don’t know why. It just happens and it’s been like this for me for a few
years now. I’ll be driving and suddenly a knot clogs my throat and I can’t help bursting
out crying uncontrollably for about a minute or so.
I have tried to understand this, but I realize there no specific thought or
particular idea going through my mind at the times it happens. I haven’t
been listening to a song or music that could trigger such an episode.
But I cry.
I cry and for that moment, that ever so short instant, I feel this vortex
spinning in between my chest and gut sinking deep into my own self,
and it hurts and I can almost taste the sadness flooding from within and…
…then it’s gone.
It happened again just about an hour ago. My daughter’s friend came over to
visit and I heard them coming up the stairs, so I went out, said hello, hugged them
both, chit-chatted real quick, came back and sat down at my computer to resume work.
Bam, sinking again!
I was lucky, they didn’t hear me cry. But I know someday this may happen when I’m
not alone. That is the only pattern I have been able to notice, that each time it happens
I’m by myself. I don’t have conscious fears, phobias, or anger. I’m a good guy!
But I cry.
I re-read this comment I made while replying to The Last Snorlax on another post, and suddenly realized how much sense it made. And just like that, Sala Samobójców (aka. Suicide Room, 2011) came to mind, not sure why. Can you help me reason this? I mean the lyrics and theme don’t really match my below thought, yet somehow… it jives.
It’s like a constant period of hibernation for me sometimes… You sleep and while you do, you can actually “feel” how good it is. Then waking up. Functioning. Eating. Transportation. It all feels secondary. Like a dream of reality while the real you waits to go back to sleep so you can wake up in your sleep and enjoy the pleasure of resting…
We all have those days, when we wish we can go back to sleep to wake up from the nightmare our reality can turn out to be at times.
Nothing to Lose (Billy Talent, Suicide Room OST, 2011)
It’s strange sometimes. How you can go to bed with a thought, a feeling, a sensation of sorts, and then you fall asleep for a few hours, 9 hours, or more… Yet as soon as you open your eyes it instantly is all there. The same thought, feeling, sensation, as if you only blinked while in the middle of a thought. That’s how I went to bed last night. And it’s how I woke up today. The looping paragraph of the lyrics resounding in my mind:
“‘Cause with all the changes you’ve been through, it seems the stranger’s always you…”
Please enjoy “Wicked Little Town” (2001, the Tommy Gnosis version)
Actually, I’ve been a lurker for the longest time. On and off. Never posted before though. I don’t think I’ve ever been actually the text book definition of suicidal, but I wonder about death (and life) a lot. The last time I had been on here was about 2 years ago. So today when I came across this video, I surprised myself to suddenly find that my very first thought was to share it here on TSP.
So HELLO SPians, and here’s to life and death, our favorite oil-and-water odd couple…
Enjoy CREEP (Radiohead, 1992), performed by this raspy and wholehearted former street performer, “Mustard” (aka. Danny “Homeless”, “Cry Baby”). Like him, and probably just as Radiohead’s Thom Yorke might have been thinking back in the 90s when he wrote this piece, SumTimesIWonder just that. What the f**k am I doing here? One day. We’ll know. What we are. What we were. Doing here.
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