Why can’t I just do it already?

I’m longing to die. Every part of my cookie cutter life is driving me crazy. I’m on the brink of killing myself, with suicide always on my mind. I wish I had to guts to act on my plans though. I keep making plans and at the last minute I just can’t do it. I hate living here. I don’t understand why I can’t just relieve myself of this pain and have it over with. I just don’t understand why I don’t have the guts to do the one thing I want most -to die