Hey suicide project, its me again. I have been on and off of this website for the worst part of 5 years and every time i think “ah that will be my last post” i always end up coming back. You see, problems never seem to go away and my bipolar never seems to let them go away. A small insignificant problem can really manifest itself in my life where my mental illness and poor coping habits seem to come back with a vengeance.
So lets get into todays problem, shall we? Well you see I am heartbroken, like heart ripped out of my chest heartbroken. And for no good reason either. They were not a huge part of my life, but for some reason I am feeling these emotions hard. So i started to drink again. And smoke. I sit outside on my deck and wallow in my own despair wondering why I even exist. Dramatic right? Right. I am aware of how stupid this fucking situation sounds, yet for some reason I can’t help it. The thing is my illness is starting to creep up on me again. Something so insignificant yet I can’t seem to let it go … I can feel myself going down the rabbit hole again. Not too sure if it’ll result in a mania or a depression though … I guess stay tuned to find out.