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by beautifulsinner

she sits on her bed, with tears running down her face

covering her mouth with the sleeve of her sweater to muffle the cries so she doesnt wake anyone up

she sits there, silently crying, wishing someone in this world cared enough

she wonders why shes like this. why shes this depressed ball of sadness and anxiety. why cant she be normal? she asks herself this every day

she knows she’ll never be good enough. she knows that its better to just bite her tongue and not argue. even when she knows shes being walked over. even when she knows shes being taken advantage of

because its better to stay quiet and accept it. she knows she deserves it. she knows shes never going to be worth anything more

because all she is is another collection of atoms in this universe

if she killed herself, the seasons would still change, people would still move on with their lives. in fact, people wouldn’t have to deal with the burden she is

her atoms could become something better. something bigger. something with value

the way she sees it, through her blurry, tear filled eyes, is that shes doing people a favour

but shes afraid of being unsuccessful. shes afraid of failing. especially since shes used to failing at most things in life.

so instead, she sits there, tears rolling down her cheek, muffling her sobs with her sweater, trying to be as quiet as possible, wishing that her atoms were used to create something that was valuable

because she knows shes a waste of atoms

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6 comments

who_even_cares 1/29/2017 - 10:39 pm

what do we define as a waste?
because in my opinion everything is a waste of atoms anyways, meaning nothing in any sort of grand scheme of anything. god won’t change that, being more “successful” wont change that.
strive for happiness, not ease.

wanted85 1/29/2017 - 11:26 pm

This hits me deep. You’re amazing with your words

beautifulsinner 1/30/2017 - 9:53 am

thank you 🙂 that means alot

Soco 1/30/2017 - 1:15 am

tears well in my eyes at the picture u paint. its me. so many nights its me.
if theres one thing i want u to know its… u matter.
ur amazing. and beautiful. and worth so much more than u realise.
someone recently described me as a perfectionist, cos im too scared to try anything new and challenge myself…. of course i would succeed but its the fear that stops me. dont make the same mistake beautiful sinner. x

beautifulsinner 1/30/2017 - 9:56 am

thats me. im a perfectionist.. i want everything to be perfect and im too afraid to try it if i know that it wont be perfect. i feel horrible about myself, i feel like just one big waste of space. i want to change my ideas, but i dont know how long that will take. but im trying. slowly.

Redandpurple 1/30/2017 - 3:33 am

I know your feeling beautifulsinner…

Once I stood alone by a dark riverside

and felt my soul on the brink of collapse

and my body yearned in the knowledge that one day it will disintegrate

that those agonised atoms will finally find a place in the river and trees.

Consciousness is a cursed gift.

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