Figuring things out

Things are different this time and I’m over a lot of things. Like this guy who claimed we were friends and insisted he wanted to be in my life. The past 2 weeks he hasn’t even bothered to talk to me nor I him. That isn’t friendship, I stupidly believed him and now I don’t. Now I see the reality and I don’t want him back I hope he stays away and never comes back. I was in a toxic situation since august and it was abusive and just negative in every single way. Now I am free and in a more positive situation but I feel like I’m stuck in a funk. Maybe because I’m not used to change and things have changed and I feel sad about that. My family has fallen apart finally and I don’t trust any of them and we don’t really talk anymore. My friends that I used to always talk to well we don’t talk as much. I get a little lonely sometimes and that makes me a little sad and I get in this funk. I crave to be loved by someone else to have something real and it scares me so much that as soon as it seems possible I pull away. But there are always certain people who I can completely let go and fall into it with but they are the ones that aren’t for me. I know this deep down which is probably why I can do it because I know it won’t work.