I’m feeling so fucked up. I HATE MYSELF AND HOW I MAKE MYSELF FEEL. Why am I this way! Why am I such a lazy shithead why why why they would even have to spend money to cremate or bury me or something why am I such a drag a drain on resources I can’t even THINK for gods sake WHY THE FUCK DO I EXIST
My stupid fucking body would probably find some way to throw this up if I find the guts to consume this bitter meal but why the fuck is dying so hard
GOD IM SO ALONE AND LONELY TOO
AT LEAST IN DEATH THERE WOULDNT BE A SELF
The concept of self is the worst product of evolution
–
the saline tears dripped onto my palm and it stung.
i tried using a knife to cut my hand earlier and it started to hurt so I stopped. There was no blood so I considered it a failure.
but it looks like I managed to cut straight through a couple layers of skin and upon closer examination there are some broken red capillaries under the skin.
i can understand why people do it now.
Wow. I can see it with my eyes. I gave myself a wound. It hurts and I can actually see it. As opposed to feeling it behind my eyes, invisible.
what a fucking unusual miracle.
17 comments
Hey are you planning to take those?
And I understand I’m pathetic as fuck to. I was not I wouldn’t have been single all my life or been broke. Watch a show or drink a latte from Starbucks. I know you hate it and it hurts I’ve overdosed twice with alcohol and stuff with zero luck.
Or sing you have a beautiful voice
Did you throw the pills up in your attempt?
Yeah but that was 6hrs later after you need 48 hrs for it start killing your insides depends on what you take. Still it’s a lost cause in my opinion because of how painful it was and when I was in the hospital all the doctors judge me it was awful I overdosed on Tylenol 14 hrs after taking 80 pills at once
And when I say 14 hrs I meant I was admitted to the hospital in that time. I was there for 5 days but the nurses was sweet one of them was hot she would wink at me and say “what’ a handsome man like you hates his life?” IDK it would make me laugh with her quotes
I remember hearing doctors talk out side of the ICU “what’s this patient here for”……”hmm let’s see he’s here for Tylenol toxicity”……. other guy goes “what comon wow that’s dumb”
I just listened spoke nothing I needed to keep my cool if I was going to convince the therapist and the person who was sitting with me (I guess there called suicide watch paras)
But I needed to prevent a psych ward only best thing was that nurse she was so nice everything else was shot I always heard people talk crap about me the doctors
I don’t stop people from commiting suicide unless he or she is under age because people need to figure it out themselves who they are. I made an sp on this YOU ONLY COME TO FIGURE YOURSELF OUT ON THAT MOMENT THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO DIE only there. So I won’t stop you but I will tell you to reconsider this method as I have tried it twice. Do me a favor if you ever do attempt suicide I will love it if you posted another of your songs put all of it to it.
We are all here to support you
Are you planning on taking all of those, because believe me it won’t work. Tried too many times to even remember. I realised after the second attempt that it doesn’t really work and started taking overdosing just to pass out for a few hours or days. I needed that break from reality. And those attempts landed me in a psych ward. And the ward is so not fun.
If you need to talk, we are here.
Also, I cut too. And yes, it just makes all the emotional turmoil evaporate, only for that moment though. I haven’t touched a blade in over 3 months I think, but lately I’ve been thinking about it a lot. Not sure why exactly. Guess I should answer that question first before I decide whether the blade is worth it or not.
I tried over the weekend and failed not by overdose tho by hanging but I couldn’t cause i wasn’t at my house and I didn’t want to make someone else call the cops. I don’t think I can overdose I’ve tried it has never worked for me my body is imune to pills even sleeping pills they just make me sleep thru the night. I also cut it’s very relieving to me I never cut on my hands or arms tho other people can see that, I use my stomach and upper legs. I just do it for the pain and vision. I’ve been researching a lot online the easiest least painful way and how not to leave a mess behind for whoever finds me. We’re here to listen most people on here are just the same we all get it and understand what you’re going thru. Death is hard but not as hard as life.
please, chuck those pills or put them away somewhere nice and safe. try to distract yourself…maybe play a song, listen to music, write a little, go for a run if that’s your type of thing, anything that takes your mind off stuff…
your life is not meaningless, you are not a waste of space…don’t let your mind trick you into thinking otherwise. I don’t think any of us know, in our hearts of hearts, why the fuck we exist, I certainly don’t. And that’s okay. Only reason i can come up with is…for no reason other than to exist. On a planet slowly heading towards oblivion, that’s about as meaningful as it gets. Even so, you only get one chance, to give life a try, to love, to make mistakes, to be happy, to cry, before you’re swallowed by eternity.
You haven’t, as far as I know, hurt anyone intentionally, and even here on SP, you try to give so much to other people. There are far, far, worse people than you. You are a good person, and you are worth it.
Not very helpful I guess, i’m crap at being helpful, though I want to be, but stay strong. I know what you mean about cutting, but it is not the best coping mechanism, leaves bad scars that you later regeret, and feeds into self-hatred, and the pills will fuck you up really bad if they don’t (and chances are they won’t) kill you.
Don’t beat yourself up – no one is perfect, we’re all flawed, but we can make mistakes, and we can fix them, you can change, life can change, just stay alive. and breathe.
sorry if none of that helps, but we’re here to listen, or just to chat…
I don’t know what’s going on but you need to try to calm yourself down. Like sadlife958 said, put on a show or movie, or listen to music, or anything. But right now you really need to focus on pulling yourself back from the edge.
And please take my advice and don’t cut again. I know how it feels, and I also know what it does. It puts you on a bad path that you’re better of not going down. It might feel good in the moment but the aftermath is hard to live with and the habit is even harder to break. It’s not pretty.
I have no clue what you must be going through right now, but please leave yourself alone. You’re treating yourself way worse than you deserve.
Don’t take they stuff. It looks like it’s cold pills, Tylenol and acetaminophen.
Trust me. It will be horrible. And you have about a 21% chance of death, and from past experiences that’s being generous.
There are better ways to go, if you should choose so. I’m sorry that you feel so alone and lonely. I understand the feelings of hating yourself and the way you make yourself feel. It’s hard to accept yourself after years of thinking you’re a reject or worthless. Even harder to love yourself.
It’s hypocritical of me to say this stuff. But I see certain people on here such as yourself that resonate in a way that makes me hope for them. I hope for you that you find your self worth, and I hope you find what your missing from this life.
They looked like candy to me initially lol. Am I just weird? Probably.
Some good candy is probably as effective as a bunch of pills that just make you sick but won’t kill you. Actually, candy might be more effective because at least you’ll enjoy it.
Go on, eat some candy instead 😛
Those do look like candy, the ones on the right look like hard candy and the ones in the middle look like vitamin c, lol.
That said… yeah, definitely not worth the try. The chance that’d you’ll end up in the hospital is way too high, plus a complementary (but not free) stomach pump. I hope you’re feeling better at this point (i’m guessing this post was done a while ago, no idea what the time difference is).
I zoomed in on the picture and could identify most of the stuff you have there. All but the red pills and the ones on the far left. Trust me, you don’t wanna go out that way.
I like you 🙂 Maybe you can learn to accept yourself too.
You’re valuable – you just maybe need some help to figure out how to live.
*hug*