im having a panic attack. over what? i dont know to be sure. but i feel sick. i feel like people are moving on without me. i feel like because ive been in the psych ward for 7 weeks people dont really care. i have that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and i cant make it go away. im hyperventilating and the world around me keeps like its closing in. im shaking. i really just want to feel loved and valued. i might be feeling better than i have in months, but for some reason none of that matters anymore. i just cant wait until i move out in august. i need to get out of this city and start over. meet new people. go somewhere where no one knows my name or my history. where no one knows my story. i hate the person who ive become and it seems like everyone else does too.
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Of course you feel sick: you’re in a psych ward!
I have never been treated with as much abuse as when I had a three day stay at one after my suicide attempt. I cannot imagine how f’d up I’d be if I had to have stayed longer. Hopefully your insurance will run out soon and they’ll let you go.
In the meantime, take a deep breath, if you can; focus on a spot on the wall, Breath in slowly: 1-2-3. Hold. Release, s-l-o-w-l-y. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. It usually helps me.
When you get out, then you can focus on what is on the o/s world. Maybe you lose some friends, maybe you don’t. Either way, you’ll get through this.
Just B-r-e-a-t-h-e. And don’t believe everything they tell you. They treat you like there’s something “wrong” with you. They convince you of it. It’s just a condition that needs to be balanced, that’s all. Breath & balance. NBD. You’ve got this! You’ve GOT THIS!
the psych ward is so fucking boring. i hate how people have lost total interest in me because im here. as for insurance running out, that wont happen. and thank you. thank you. thank you.
Beautifulsinner… hear you loud and clear. About 6 months ago I was feeling the same way. I wanted to go somewhere new and start over too with new everything. I think it can work for some people… that kind of starting over. I still feel like I want to do that too, but for whatever reason not as strongly as I once was. People say you can’t run from your problems, they’ll just follow you and I suppose that can be true as well at times… but I still think it’s worth taking the chance…. I wish I had the courage to do it… I really do. I am sorry you don’t feel like you are getting the help you need where you are. That sucks. It’s part of the reason I am so fearful of getting help professionally, such a slippery slope from what I have read on here of others’ experiences. Scares me.
ill be going away to school in the fall, thats why im moving away. i chose a school thats pretty far from home and that no one i know of has applied to. im just sick of being treated like im damaged goods or something. maybe i cant run from my problems, and ill have to face them head on, but thats what ive been doing thus far. sometimes you just need a fresh start you know? a second chance. maybe you should try it if you can, i can only speak from my personal experiences, but maybe it will be better. maybe it wont, but we wont know unless we try 🙂
Well I hope the change works for you I really do. If I wasn’t such a roots kind of person I would do it in a heartbeat, but I have always been so bonded to my family. I still have some decent relationships with them. I just feel like I belong somewhere else but not sure where exactly… it’s very frustrating being so fearful of change…. and the funny thing is usually I am so adventurous and fearless!
I believe in you.