It’s enough now

I’m writing this while on the subway to distract myself so I don’t end up having another panic attack.
Today has been a really messed up day.
I realized I’ve become an absolute recluse. When trying to go to school I couldn’t even walk out the front door without having an anxiety attack. I can’t even make eye contact with people anymore and always feel the need to cover my face.
I’ve gotten even more worse than I originally thought over the past few months and I feel like I’m absolutely hopeless at this point.
I think I’m finally ready to plan a date for my next suicide attempt, hopefully this time this one will be my last.