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Life is not worth the pain

by Ariayanna1994

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December 29th 2016 i tried to kill my self but it landed me into detox til today January 2nd 2017. I’m so far sober. Everything bad has happened to me. Somebody I thought loved me stole my money so I’m back at square one sleeping in my car. I I’ve been trying so hard to not do anything I’m going to regret. This doesn’t make my situation any better. I try to have faith and it seems like nothing good happens to me. I feel useless to my children and like I’m not worth anything. Me thinking somebody actually did love me once again backfired. Even if I did want to do drugs I couldn’t because he stole that too. I guess God save me because I do have a purpose but what purpose do I have. I lost everything and I couldn’t even take my life right. They say God wouldn’t put you through more than you can handle but I can’t handle all this. Have tried every resource but no one can help. Damn this is so hard. Life isn’t worth all this pain and it damn sure isn’t worth being used and abuse by I many..

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muspelhem 1/3/2017 - 3:02 am

You are very beautiful. I am sorry you feel sad.

Please do not despair. Christianity is meant exactly for those times when you want to give up.

It sounds like you need help, you just need to choose who you ask very wisely. Find someone who has your best intentions at heart and doesn’t simply want to get in your pants.

E.g. a female social worker or something.

Hugs and good luck

muspelhem 1/3/2017 - 3:03 am

*your best interests at heart

SeeSmith 1/3/2017 - 10:55 am

Every year my BFF gives me a calendar filled with sarcastic motivation posters. Two years ago there was one that showed a ship sinking and the text read:

It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.

I hope you can laugh at that.

God’s purpose for any person is never just one thing. Humans like to only think about one thing but God doesn’t work like that.

Some people have been in situations as bad as you are in yet have worked it out. I think it’s probably helpful to understand that failing at parts of life and making unfortunate choices does not mean you are a bad person.

Or: just because your life sucks doesn’t mean you suck.

You have to let go of the idea that you deserve to be in this situation. This sadness and desperation clouds your mind and makes it less likely you will accept the help you need.

Right now you have a car, you are clean, and a guy that did you wrong is out of the picture. You have a goal: get back to being a mother for your kids. Yeah, it sucks. It sucks more than anything I’ve ever experienced in my white middle class life.

Yet, my mom blew her brains out when I was 41. Deciding to keep living after that was pretty tough for me. It took about 15 years to come to grips with it. I understand why she did it, I accept that she felt it was for the best. I miss her and I wish she hadn’t done it.

If you kill yourself, if you give up, your kids are going to have to deal with it on some level. I am not trying to lay a guilt trip on you! I know people in bad places say things like, “they’re better off without me.” That’s wrong 99 times out of 100.

I know you are tired. I know you hurt. I still think you can get through this. You are bigger than your problems even if you don’t feel like it.

laylamarie89 1/3/2017 - 11:30 am

God saved you for your children. If you can’t find motivation in yourself, find it in them. They’re counting on you. Keep your head up.

2006Corolla 1/3/2017 - 7:15 pm

I hope money isn’t what does you in, you seem to have a ggod head on your shoulders and clear perspectives, two things I don’t have. I’m not much a believer so I wouldn’t lie and say I’ll pray for you. But you seem like you can do this. I hope things get better.

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