Life of a troubled girl in High School!

It’s finally happening i’m finally 14 and a freshman in high school!

Life’s been crappy in it ways but i don’t care i’m in high school now, meeting new people while making new friends, Being able to make a new me and leave the old one behind,

i’ve never been happier.

I’m at the bus stop nervous but excited i made sure it looked cute and stylish did my makeup curled my hair,

I got on the bus all these new faces looking at me..like a weirdo i sit down in the 3st seat and just ignore everyone,

i look behind me and there was someone i new and then there was the guy i met when i was signing up,

he was sweet and funny kinda cute, but not my type.

finally after siting on the bus for almost 40min we get to the high school, i have sweaty hands but idc….

i get off the bus im happy/nervous, tyler that one person i new said hey and i said hey back he told me were my classes were and helped me out by telling me who to hang with, i soon wondered off and found my own friends, time passed i finally new who everyoneeeee was and what they did (small school)

but i didn’t listen, everyone has their story and sometimes having someone listen is all they need, and i’m very supportive so even the mean girls told me their story they let me in and i became friends with them it was crazy tbh, soon though a lotttt of people started being really mean to me idk why,

then this girl alexa…(to me) one of the most prettiest girls at the school told me to be careful and they’re using me and people are being mean to me because they think i’m like them!

I didn’t want that it’s my 1st year i can’t have this happen to me, so i stopped hangin out with them little by little,

soon enough they started to hate me and be so cruel,

they’d make me cry more than i already did, i found myself crying myself to sleep everyday instead of every other day!

it was fine just as long as i didn’t cry at school, soon enough i made all kinds of friends.

You know how theirs groups in highschool i was in all different kinds, i hung with the nerds, the stoners, the jocks, the hoes, the freaks, they were my friends and i liked them.

Later on in the year of freshman yeah i started hanging with the stoners more and more, then i started smoking a lot, i’d use my lunch money to buy weed and sigs, i found myself more chill and happy, and because i hung with the hoes i started to kinda act like one, i made a snapchat…it was weird a first but i was diggin it so i gave my snapchat out to everyone, i still didn’t have a phone but i had and ip, it was small so taking pics for insta and facebook wasn’t hard! Closer to the end of the year a guy named Austin started lookin at me and trying to talk to me a lot, him being a senior made me nervous but i still said hey, he got my snapchat from some idk who but he snaped me one day,

he said hey wassup, i asked who it was and he said its me….? still didn’t know haha, he told me who he was then we started talking we became friends he was funny and he thought i was too,

me and Alexa that pretty girl i was talking about she started talking to me we became friends and i started to kinda like her but couldn’t explain how or why!

I looked it up what i meant to like a girl the way i should like a guy and it came up with queer and lesbian,

so i read into more and i felt i fight more into the lesbian group more than the queer!

I didn’t tell anyone i was to scared too.

I told one of my new friends i was talking to austin and they took it as i was talking talking to him which i didn’t know what that meant till i saw their faces, and i guess austin thought so too so i played along and we were now “talking talking” and then he started asking me for pics and at that moment i knew i was fxcked but i did i sent picks i learned all kinds of sexy positions and i sent them to him like crazy, he said he was falling for me…didn’t know what that meant but said “me too” and then he started talking about sex and what he’d do to me,

i went with it looked some stuff up and told him things id to to him…guess he spread the word i new how to give a good fxck so then my snap was flooded with dudes trying to talk to me and get pics and me to sleep with them,

I felt so powerful so i picked 5 guys and i made then mine i made then want me, i sent pics they’d send picks..but they only liked it so much because i’d play games, i’d tease!

A lot of girls wanted to be me…even senior girls….but i was dumb!

Then i was on fb and this guy i met named david was now in the army and had no gf and he asked if i could be his fill in(like his gf but not gf) so i said yeah sure,

so now i have 6 guys who i was sending sexual things too,

it lead into sophomore year i was 15 and i new a lotttt about sex and sexual things,

and my mum had no idea what was going on and i kept it that way,

she bout me lace underwear my freshman year but they were boy shorts cut,

then i moved up to push up bras and lace thongs i became the shit in my mind to i sent pick to anyone who begged and begged then i’d use them, i’d tell them if they didn’t do this for me i’d send there gf our talks and pics, or id show everyone them begging, and i’d show everyone how small there d*cks were!

I became someone else i didn’t know her but she seemed to be getin by!

later on in the year i stopped my bad habits of smoking pot every hr and sending nudes, i decided to focus on school more, i still smoked and sent a few but not as much,

then i started flirting with this guy named nick not a guy people thought id even talk to “i turned into a bxtch” but i did but i used him…shocker.

i used him to get closer to Alexa they were related, me and her got close i found myself very fond of her,

she invited me over one night i said yes my mum let me so that was a bonus, i went over we hung out in the day it was fun, i was very clingy and touchy with her she seemed to be back, she had a nice body, she was more of a stem i’d say (girl that dresses tomboy like but had a feminine face) she was everything i wanted in a person…hell in a relationship,

then later that night me and her went to the bar…her mum works there it was right across her house so it was cool,

we went in she told her mum she’d be out late, she introduced me to everyone she new and her mum liked me!

win win haha, so we headed out and she picked up nicks and her friend thomas and his sister, they were cool,

we all played beer pong got a little drunk i kissed alexa she kissed me back….felt so good not going to lie.

nick saw wasn’t to happy…oh well,

i was happy then alexa had to drive thomas’s sister to get more beer, i stayed idk why,

then i ended up on the trampoline with nick looking at the stars then out no where he was fingering me never had it down before never been touched like that since well when i was 9/10,

anyhow i just let it happen it was weird and he was terrible…i’d know i’ve fingered myself! but anyway it was just weird because his friend thomas was just over all by himself at the fire drinking a beer while i was on the trampoline getting the worst fingering ever! then they’d came back and Alexa’s mum wanted us home it was like 2am her mum got off work so she wanted us home before she went to bed!

so then thomas came over and i was like yess thank you (in my head of course) and he said i had to go i was trying to get up but nick kinda left his finger where it didn’t belong he said he’d drive me back, but Alaxa told thomas no (thank god) so i got off jogged to the car got in and her smile omg her smile was everything i was so happy,

we got back to the house i changed into pj stuff she did too we layed there and i wanted to kiss her so bad but i wasn’t sure…turns out she told me she wanted to too that night! But we acted like friends she got a gf broke my heart i lied said i had one too! Moved on but never did still haven’t to this day,

then nick got a new gf(Alondra) and she was cute asf, i had my eye on her she hated me though bc i was before her in nicks eyes….the broke up me and her became best friends like i’ve never been so close with someone in my life, then we started flirting i confessed my feelings this time..wasn’t going to lose another one…turns out she liked me too,

we were cute everyone soon found out about us we never really were dating but everyone thought,

we were one of the cutest couples turns out, then she started dating a dude and she moved back to her home town which was about 2hrs away from me, then she cried saying sorry and she didn’t know why she hurt me, lots ruff patches started happening after that we lost trust and our friendship wasn’t the same,

we stopped talking on and off, She came over before moving thousands miles away, then after that a good 2/3 months went by we started talking again and this time we said we’d work it out, we did for a short period of time, then she hurt me and i hurt her back i was more suicidal then i already was, my time being happy and non suicidal was over i was in more pain, so i said goodbye….the good bye hurt more than anything…maybe bc she didn’t even care!

i got over it i came out to my mum before her told i like some girl harlie we had fun me and her but it wasn’t like alexa or alondra,

then i was so hurt my mum wanted to know why i told her and she supported me as much as she could,

then the summer came along i decide to cut my hair off my long brown hair that everyone loved, i did a pixie undercut,

now i’m a junior and i’m homeschooled, still deal with my depression and anxiety, still gay, my mum and stepdad still try to conceal me, they let me go out once so far this year, and i’m falling for one of my friends who bi but more on the straight side, and i’m failing school….and i’m only sixteen!!!

I’m far from proud of what i did, and who i am!!! Not sure wth to do with my life at this point!!! Some this stuff you won’t understand unless you read my story! sorry!