Why do you stay?
–
I realise that I have not triumphed over my thoughts.
New habits have been formed, carefully catered to my body’s needs; inside I still feel like a barely repressed undesirable.
I don’t dare to let suicidal thoughts in my head because of fear. Fear keeps me from the brink- fear that other people in my life will be devastated.
There are two types of motivation- extrinsic and intrinsic. Extrinsic motivation, based on external rewards and punishment, is weaker than intrinsic motivation.
I am living (“normally”) one day at a time, barely conscious of the inner currents, on the promise of food for my palate and sheer hell for those who love me if I stray again. Extrinsic motivation in a nutshell.
It’s so painful not being to acknowledge and articulate myself.
It’s as if… I’m destined to kill myself and I’m just delaying the inevitable.
7 comments
I keep changing my mind as to why I continue on with life. My latest theory is that I focus on one thing, like my relationship, writing my stories, or whatever.
That’s good, mysteriousvisitor. One thing at a time.
I still have hope, idk what ‘for’, but yeah
Hope is an odd thing isn’t it
Well you look amazing while you’re being hopeful in that two piece XD
I don’t even know why I’m still alive lol 🙂
Hold on to those other people that love and care about you.