I keep telling myself that I can’t keep living like this. Shits not going to get better so I either kill myself or seek help. As of now seeking help is not likely; I don’t think I have the money to get professional help, I don’t even have the guts to ask my mom if there is some place I can go to gor help. I wouldn’t even want to go get help with my whole family knowing, I just want it to be all on my own; it all seems like too much. A gun sounds easier and cheaper. Maybe in a few years…
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Look into online therapy, maybe that can help you and be less obvious to your family if you really aren’t comfortable going to your mom. You may have to have Skype or something, not sure as I don’t know too much about it. Just a suggestion.