The 2 Lost Souls

Today has got to be one very hard day… All i seem to think about is the death of my girlfriend and daughter during childbirth. Their watching over me i believe. I want to have them next to me. You guys obviously know the reason i am depressed. Let me go into detail, I was watching my girlfriend, she was 16, give birth to our child. I was in the hospital room and watched the whole gruesome death. She was already in labor giving birth too Arial Hunter on 4-20-2015. Ella was laying saying “i cant, i cant, i cant” i was holding her hand while my child was coming out of her body. Then the worst part… A fucking flatline 2 more doctors came in the room while one was already performing cpr and the other getting this machine read to heart start my girlfriend. The doctors were yelling and there was a bunch of commotion and i was still holding her hand. I loved her so damn much i couldn’t believe what had just been taken from my life. Then about three minutes later the doctor says theres no heartbeat (talking about my newborn daughter) and looks at me. I was truly hoping he wasnt talking about my daughter, but he was…. By that moment i had collapsed too the floor praying that some miracle would come my way, but nothing did. I once believed in a person people call god but now i hope i go to hell because he took everything from me. I mean… Why do the honest hard-working people get punished by god? All the evil still roams and im still here with no one to trust or love. I went home that night and went back to my old ways. I slit my wrists open that night my left wrist has something connecting the vein together because i cut right through it. My grandma found me five minutes later resting in a pool of blood. I wanted to be with them. I went to a place to get help for a little less than a week and then i went to the funeral where i kissed jay for the last time and kissed my daughter for the first and the last time. I saw her there all cleaned up holding our daughter in the casket one of the worst days of my entire life. Just a few months ago my thoughts about it slowed down, but the last few days ive wanted to brutally murder myself. My mom is living in a halfway house at this time and she is a huge trigger for me when people make fun of her right to my face. Like my grandmother does it too get under my skin and watch me melt right in front of her. She is a very sick person and hate is a strong word but i truthfully hate my grandmother to this day she has not been told about my daughter or girlfriend but just about everyone else in my family knows. And whoever reads this. Anyway since that day ive tried commiting suicide 7 times 3 of them were almost successful and i was brought back by somebody in a hospital. But about a week ago i started talking to this beautiful girl named Autumn Mason again (i met her a while ago) i want to marry this person. We have alot of issues in common and alot of other things in common. Honestly i wish she would believe me when i tell her i love her, but its a little too early for that right now. Anyway im still looking forward too a future i havent cut for a good 5 months now and im finally starting to see the darkest shade of light. Thank you for reading my story I hope it gives you a better view on how a person can be strong.