Completely lost hope!

Well,my story is the most complicated,I have lost everything,the main reason for my depression is my parents ,yeah my parents they hate me,yeah I know that you are gonna say no they love you ,you just think that,but actually they care for you and etc..,well that’s not right my parents say that they hate me every single minute,they say that I’m a mistake and I’m the reason of their sadness ,they think that I’m a plague ,they say that they haven’t done anything bad in their lives to deserve a bad girl like me ,they always say that my friends are better than me and I’m only a “mess”,everyday they wish me death ,my parents wish me death ,my parents who should be with me and encourage me to do things are against me !they say that I have a lack of self-confidence ,but they are actually the reason for this ,they say that I’m too fat ,and people around my age are thinner than me ,they say that I’m ugly ,my dad once tried to kill me ,he was trying to force me to do something against my will!,maybe you are gonna tell me that I should talk with them or something ,but actually I can’t,whenever I try to have a conversation with them ,they just ignore me,they act that I’m not there ,lol! Hey,I have more problems,my friends ,guess what? I don’t have any friends ,well I used to have many ,but then they found other people and they finally left me ,well it’s not over yet, I love a guy who will never never love me ,because he has a girlfriend,and I’m a potato! I think that my voice is good and I just want to go to the opera house and try to make it better but my parents say that I can’t go to the opera house because that’s not our life,like to sing!! They just want me to be like my classmates they want me to study 24 hours daily , to go to school,don’t speak to them,and to forget about the bands and things that I love,they want me to be”ideal”!okay I’ve committed suicide one time before but I failed ,I took some pills,I only fell unconscious,and yeah I didn’t  die,my parents don’t know about that,lol! I also addicted self harm,formally I’m a self-harm addict!i have too many cuts all over my body !when my parents first saw my cuts,guess what?they told me if that comforts you ,then do it ,you’re free!when my classmates saw them they started shouting at me ,like they cared ,lol!my parents saw my cuts again,at this time they started shouting at me they told me that I’m doing this to just picture the cuts and post them on Facebook!so you got it now??nobody loves me ,no one !i really don’t know why ,I began to hate myself really !I just want to die ,but guess what ?i can’t,because suicide is fucking forbidden,and I will go to hell ,I’ve tried too many times to live happily nad forget about everything ,but I failed,I don’t care!I don’t know how ?I’m just facing every single problem with a provocative smile ,I just don’t want to go to hell ,I don’t deserve that really! In fact I don’t fucking know why I’m writing all of that shit ,no body can help me ,I’m just wasting time because once I’m done with that post,I will be back to my shitty life!no one can help me,I’m done!