Exactly a year ago today my aunt died, she left this world and me behind in it. I feel mixed feelings because for one she isn’t suffering on this other but she’s also not here for me to laugh with or hold. She was amazing and was always positive with me I was her princess her favorite niece. She isn’t here anymore and I still don’t believe it somehow it still feels like a bad dream. She was still so young and it was so unexpected and I miss her every single day. And my younger cousin who was like a sister to me got pregnant and I was devastated because she is still in high school and her life was going to be really hard. And she has had a miscarriage today and I can’t help but feel relief and happiness because I feel as though she gets a second chance to have her life back. I’m still seeing the guy I swore I’d stop seeing because he is persistent and I give in to temptation. And I can’t tell if any of this is better or worse? I feel like my own life is unraveling and I’m loosing control, I’m sick to my stomach.