Feeling Strange

Hello. So it’s been a while since I’ve posted. Almost 2 weeks. Some things have happened since then. Went to Minnesota to visit my uncle. Adolescent Psychiatrist. Gave me some tips in what to look for. Told him things I’ve never told another person. Felt odd. I haven’t been on in a while. Don’t know if it’s because I don’t need this place (for now) or because I just forgot. I really don’t know what these pills are doing to me. I’ve stopped thinking about death. Is it because of my break or is it the pills? Am I getting better, or am I going to hit another wave. Hard to say. Been more open with people in the past week than the last 3 years. It’s a funny feeling. Put a knife to my neck to see if I still had the urge. I felt like I was trying to hard. It just wasn’t in me. Not like when I did it before. Even back then I was scared, but it was still something I knew I wanted. I don’t know anymore. I’m slightly resentful. I’m like everyone else. Happy go lucky not minding that the world is pointless. That is the one constant. Everything and everyone is pointless. Even on the pills I know that. And am I ok with it? Is it the pills? Feeling strange. Thanks for listening.