this is my second post actually,My first post was “completely lost hope”,no i didn’t commit suicide,well this month ,I have been through many problems ,I didn’t stop cutting,I can’t,anyway I recently copied one of my notes ,so here you go:
Ugly,unwanted,fat,messed up and worthless girl ..
That’s me ,that’s the only truth,I can’t change this alone,and I have no person by my side so no one can help me because no one cares.
It’s sometimes scary like to feel lonely ,you feel like your completely alone ,everybody is against you,the whole universe is against you!
I don’t know why,why does it have to be so harsh?
It hurts,I swear it does ,but I’m used to this,ain’t I?
Depression is too bad,It makes a person really empty,It makes they …um,stolid!
You have no feelings actually ,that’s scary!
In fact I don’t know when it started ,but I’m sure that I completely changed!
That’s not me!
That moment when mum promised that she won’t give up on me,that she will always be here for me,I touched the truth in her speech ,I felt like someone just charged me up,it felt weird,but for the first time since 2 years or more ,I felt …SAFE
Mum gave me hope,although a little part inside me told me not to complete,not to feel safe,everything will be bad again,nothing will improve ,but I believed in mum,she was helping me to turn to….a new person ,I started a new page ,I thought it would work but……
That’s my luck ,I can’t be happy,I just can’t
After one week,here we go again,everything completely changed ,to the worst,that was a nightmare!
I was completely shocked,
I still can’t believe he did that ,I can’t believe that person was daddy!I still can’t believe that dad hit me like this,he forced me to***** ,he hit me till I fell unconscious!
I,I was too excited for his arrival,I was the most happy one when her arrived,I love him more than my soul ,I can’t believe dad did that !! *Note :that was before my first post ,I wrote this note yesterday ,and about dad,he were in another country and yeah you know the rest*
How could he hit me so hard ?how could he force me to *****?how could he be so stern?how could he damage my life ?
I don’t know why he thinks like that ,he doesn’t care if I ‘m happy or not ,he doesn’t care if I even died ,all he cares about is “****”,it kills me every time I remember it,it’s scary how dad wants me to ********so bad!
I don’t know why mum broke her promise!she killed me slowly ,I really trusted her ,but she stabbed me in the back,she betrayed me,she betrayed our promise ,but if i thought like mum…
C’mon dude,she doesn’t care?
She doesn’t even remember we had a promise and she broke it!
It’s funny how promises are too sacred to me while they mean nothing to mum!
I don’t know if i’m oppressed or not ,maybe I’m just imagining this ,maybe this is a terrible nightmare,maybe I will wake up sometime and realize that this wasn’t my life!
end of the note
so yeah,mum promised me that she will be by my side and that she won’t let dad force me to**** ,I don’t want to speak about what dad wants me to do,well he just wants me to do something I don’t want to ,anyway I just wanted you to know my story ,I don’t know if you can help me or not ,but why will you care to help me?like you don’t even know me,lol!i wish that I can start a new page ,and be happy ,but depression kills me slowly ,it’s like I don’t want to live and I’m scared to die,well I just want you to know that my family is too protective,and they’re toxic,they really hate me and I can’t move out ,I’m 14 years old ,I don’t have any relatives or a boyfriend to stay with ,I wish you could help me,please do,please if you know a way to stop my pain ,just tell me ,please.
11 comments
Makes you do what? If you don’t feel comfortable talking about it here just email me remnant1994@yahoo.com
If it is what I think it is, I’ve gone through things similar. I might not have an answer but maybe I can help you get some of this pain out. Call a doctor, or the police, too, if things are really bad. Getting help doesn’t make you weak.
err,thank you so much,I really needed to talk to a person but so you have any other way instead of mail because I think my mail is watched by ….dad?
And “what’s dad forcing me to” is not what you thinkin about ,if I told you about it you might think there’s no big deal ,but actually this means everything to me,I wish you can help me ,I can tell you my whole story ,I really need to tell someone about my feelings and my life ,I was never able to talk to people
Would you consider calling the police?
Police can help me ?no ,I don’t think so ,what will I tell them?My parents hate me and I’m alone?I don’t thinks that this can work ,Maybe they will send me to a mental hospital or something
Then you are shift out of luck then
Shit out luck
Maddie, reading your story is heartbreaking and I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wish I could help you. I do think you should ask for some help offline because it sounds like you’re in a unsafe situation.
If you’re currently attending school you should try to confide in a teacher or school counselor who may be able to help get you somewhere safe. Sometimes even going to the hospital and explaining the situation can help if you feel you’re in danger.
I really hope you’re safe and things work out for you. Please keep us updated if you can.
It’s pretty funny how strange people pity you while you’re parents say that you’re a mistake ,thanks for your kind comment ,I feel safe that you guys are trying to help me ,I wish you could,someone said that I’m “out of luck”and yeah that’s right ,I lost hope,I wish I had money to move out ,anyway ,I can’t talk to anyone at school ,they are just cruel people ,they won’t listen to me plus my parents will know about this and they will surely punish me ,lol ,You’re just watsting your time ,I’m sorry for this ,you can’t help me ?
“Shit out of luck”*
” ,he hit me till I fell unconscious!” If your dad did this then it is a police matter and it needs to brought to their attention. Letting him get away with this is not doing him or you any favors.
The idea of calling the police might work ,but actually dad isn’t here,he returned to that country (I mentioned this) so anyway he can’t harm me right now ,when dad returns he won’t hit me ,why?because I did what he wanted ,so my problem is that I’m forced,that’s not what I want ,what dad forces me to do is kinda fiddling,if I told you about it you might think that there’s no big deal ,did you read my first post?if you care,you can read it,i mentioned that My problem is the surroundings ,I built my walls so high that I can’t talk to people ,I don’t have any friends ,that’s because of my depression which pushes people away,so anyway everybody hates me and I began to hate my self