I want to die but I can’t yet

  March 20th, 2017 by Lennie Cohen

Every day is filled with intense emotional pain. I obsess about killing myself all day long from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed and all the times I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep.

But, I have three wonderful dogs. I will not leave them. Two are very old and won’t be with me much longer. Losing them will be devastating. But I would rather suffer through that than kill myself after they pass because I can’t stant the thought of my third, much younger dog going to a shelter only to be gassed to death in a chamber packed with 20 other dogs.

I spend most of my free time with them. They are the only reason I am alive. They are absolutely perfect in every way.

I can’t imagine living without them so I hope I can end my life when the last one passes.

I literally have no one else in my life and that’s intentional so I’m not blaming anyone.

If I killed myself Friday after work, no one would notice until Monday or possibly Tuesday. My co-workers would be pissed I didn’t show up and eventually call the police.

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