No matter how Happy, Sad, Depressed, or Anxious i am i always want to scream at the top of my lugs and cry till i cant breath and pass out!
When i take a bath i fill the bath up as much as i can and i just go under and scream, sometime i’ll cry and cry till i can’t breath…sometimes i wish i could stay under and never come up….when i die i want to have them spread my ashes in the sea..so i’ll be with the water for eternity!
Sometimes i break down and i just cant get up once i’m down, can’t speak, breath right, can’t even eat or think of anything it becomes all blank….i don’t understand these feelings i have, never will! I always wanted to live in the sea or up in space…my family told me when i was young that my head was never down in earth but it has..always. They just never understood me the way i am! I love the places on earth you can lose yourself in, like the sea (lakes and ext.), the woods anywhere with trees that go high into the sky…hell even in the trees, the sky, up in space where there no telling whats out there…no matter what NASA and the many scientist say you’ll never know whats out there, and ones who found that have never come back…and i wish no matter what happens out there being able to see the planets and star (big rocks on fire lol) i know i’d die seeing the unknown, the rare, the sight you can’t get everyday!
When i’m surrounded by people who don’t have mindset the way i do i feel like somethings wrong with me…like why do i think about the what they call extra, the nonsense of life….for some reason i’m an out cast and fake if money, sex, bitches, fake tits and asses aren’t at the top of my list in life i’m stupid and week..a no one! YOU KNOW what though i rather think of something more than the temporary shit the shit that’s fake..useless in the beyond.
Then again maybe i’m not even supposed to be here…if i can’t fit in, or find a place to belong why am i here, here stuck in such a simple useless mindless world full of fake and waste!
I wounder most times if everyone who is different all met in one place if we’d con-core or all vanish..we’re already vanishing.
I can’t explain myself and i find myself saying sorry a lot for it.
How i see the world is different from the usual average person, like love to me i feel is a chemical reaction to another person sent or touch of there hand..there breath…breathing the same air as the person you claim to love, that’s why you can find love after love, because it a chemical response to another being, its also proven women who make love for the 1st or 100th time, or what people call it now a days “Fuck” or “Smash” they feel a connection…”love for that person, but its all chemical, you just half to pick the right one, you just half to pick the one who share there world with yours, who cares for you like you care for them, who breath just to breath your air, its in in you and your body(note: also think jealousy has some effect on persons feelings! …but that’s just my belief!
Sorry this has no meaning im just ranting on about bullshit i think about hah!
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7 comments
Bathtime is a very special ritual for me too. I fill it up as hot as is just bearablle and stew myself into meditation. I will hold my breath for as long as my lungs can take and pretend Im screaming as loud as I can and when I get out I usually have to lie down as the heat makes me dizzy but its the same every time. Perhaps its therapy.
It seems we share simlar thought processes, sending love your way. xx
I do the steamy hot baths too they really sooth me, sending my love back to you<3
Well, well, look who showed up ! Good to hear from you !
(BTW, this is Einsamkeit, reincarnated as Waldschläfer)
For me, it’s showers, but yeah, it is a very special ritual … time to relax, feel that hot water on the back of my neck (which, I’ve heard, has a lot of nerve endings, so it’s sensitive), and almost meditate. I don’t scream, however … I’d get kicked out of where I live 😛 I listen to Eckhart Tolle in the shower.
The seas and forests are so great to be near/in, because they represent everything about the world that is sane, simple, and serene … unlike people.
You’ll remember that I told you, in regard to your abusive stepfather, “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” That applies to the fuckfaces you mentioned, just as much. They don’t know any better than what they’ve been taught by popular culture. So, ignore them as they ramble on about fake tits, lips, calves, noses, and other fake parts I don’t even want to think about.
You’ll also remember me saying – just be Kim 😉 Don’t let the world contaminate your true nature, your true essence.
BTW, I wrote a shout out post, to thank some special people here … I would love for you to make your mark on it 🙂
suicideproject.org/2017/03/shout-out-to-some-folks-here/
OMG, I can’t believe I put this reply in the wrong place ! Silly me !
Sorry, KatRose. The response was meant for missingLink on her checking in post ! Feel free to delete it.
it was really good though haha, and i do have the stepfather issue haha so this was weird and helpful but yet not for me ahha
“the nonsense of life….for some reason i’m an out cast and fake if money, sex, bitches, fake tits and asses aren’t at the top of my list in life i’m stupid and week..a no one! YOU KNOW what though i rather think of something more than the temporary shit the shit that’s fake..useless in the beyond.”
I just made a comment about this elsewhere, it’s true. It’s all temporary shit anyway not like any of it really matters, and yet if these things aren’t at the top of the list your an outcast, a failure, or whatever it is nowadays that people like us get called.
Exactly what i’m saying but for real i wish i could surround myself with people like me in real life!