I’m finally at peace. Please don’t be mad. I know you will miss me, but take comfort in the fact that I don’t have to be miserable anymore.
I know “things will get better”. But things always go back to being unbearable. Even when I was doing good I always had the fear of it going bad. The worst always comes when things were going good and the rest is just difficult. 80% bad versus 20% good is just not worth it.
I didn’t do this out of distress or even depression. I finally feel calm and at peace. I’ve never had that fight for life feeling. Like that refugee who walked for over 20 hours in freezing temperatures to find a better place to live. I just don’t understand that drive.
I’m tired of crawling out of holes to get to the light just to get thrown into a deeper hole.
I love you all and appreciate all you have done for me. I was blessed with all the wonderful beings (human and animal) that I was surrounded by. Nobody could have done anything more, everyone was wonderful to me. My brain is just too messed up.
4 comments
It’s possible that the fear is your only problem. When things are good just enjoy them. Don’t wait around for the ground to fall from underneath, take advantage of the good. I hope you stick around for the next time that the good times roll and keep that in mind. We’re here if you need to talk.
I can’t change your mind only you can. however rebirth is a possibility. I only hope when I die I get another chance to live a happier life then the one I’m in. I’m sincerely glad you have reached a peaceful time in your life. You may not read this but I hope it wasn’t painful. We have had enough in our life to have to endure more in our last seconds. Time is linear which makes pain last longer just remember to leave happy because exceptional people deserve it.
I hope you find another way to keep living. If not, I hope you go painlessly (if that’s what you want). Godspeed. This site will be here waiting if you decide that maybe you want to stay after all.
I hope you ditnt go thru with it.And maybe it’s not 80 to 20′ maybe 50/50.But what dosent kill you makes u stronger.