‘There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.’ Or something along those lines. It would seem that it’s all in the stories that we tell ourselves. Suffering is based on expectations.
The difficulty is in letting go of those expectations, when our minds are constructed around them. What else do we have to motivate us? To drive us to survive?
Why not just drift endlessly, in a sea of nothing? Why not starve to death? Why avoid physical pain?
Expectations are the rules we set for ourselves. The way we play the game. And when we fail them, we feel that sense of wrongness, we suffer. But if we give them all up, we can no longer play.
3 comments
Yeah, belief systems like that are always tricky. On paper, I agree. Our suffering is caused by desire and expectations. So they turn it into simple math and say “if desire equals suffering, then no desire equals no suffering”. But as you said, how far are you supposed to take that? Go sit in a ditch on the side of the road? Watch your own mortal life slip by one year at a time, all while doing this mind-trick on yourself by saying “I want nothing. I am content.” Watch bad things happen to people you care about? Don’t react? Don’t care?
Sometimes the opposing idea makes more sense, that suffering exists to motivate us, suffering exists to alert us to the fact that we have to change something or try harder because our expectations aren’t being met and we’ll never have the things we desire if we don’t try.
I guess maybe a middle ground is identifying which desires are actually important and which aren’t. Don’t sit around suffering because you can’t have the million dollar house or car that you want to have. That’s something you can live without. But you can desire food and shelter, you can suffer if something bad happens to you or someone you care about. I don’t think shutting down and becoming a total robot is any more human or enlightened.
I think it’s an accurate assessment of human nature. We always want something else. And the second you get it, you start looking across the water at a different island and start wishing you were over there instead. The modern attitude to “never be satisfied” and be a Type A personality who never stops striving, sounds pretty miserable. Then you spent your life in a constant state of wanting and dissatisfaction, and then some day on your death bed you’ll have that classic cliche moment where you realize you wasted everything by not paying attention.
Somewhere in between the two extremes is a thin line to try to walk. Have desires, have goals, but don’t sit around suffering about the things you can’t have or can’t change. Don’t suffer any more than absolutely necessary.
That seems reasonable. I think one difficulty for me is when desires are complicated and tricky to pin down. It’s hard to know whether more effort is required, or whether I’m simply tormenting myself with things that can’t be.
Then there are desires which seem fundamental (e.g. human connection), which often seem impossible, for complicated reasons. When do you draw the line and force yourself to give up on things like that? And how?
I have food and shelter (for now), though I often feel I should be doing more to secure those things in the future. The few people I care about in this world are fine (for now), but I often feel like a burden on them, and that I should be doing more to protect them from bad things in the future (disease and death.)
I have lots of minor physical issues, and some major emotional issues, which cause me distress at various times. I don’t know which of these are worth suffering over, and which aren’t. Or how to consistently stop myself in any case.
So yeah, that’s a difficult line to walk. Knowing when to give up on a desire or goal, and when to exert more effort and investment. And finding a way to actually emotionally acknowledge that judgement, so that you stop suffering over it.
Exactly. There is nothing good or bad only our thoughts and expectations. I suffer, yet I have low expectations because my life as of now is complete shit. Would I be happier if it got better? Would I be happier if I got a job, a wife, my own home, a kid? I don’t think so as I think I’m just not happy anymore, I don’t want to be alive. The feeling of death gives me some relief, makes me want it more and nothing takes that desire for death away.